Merriam-Webster defines the verb “blend” as “to combine or associate so that the separate constituents or the line of demarcation cannot be distinguished.”
Merriam-Webster also defines the noun “family” as “the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children.”
After many attempts of trying to combine these definitions, I came up with, “two parents rearing their children so that the separate constituents cannot be distinguished.”
I cannot speak for any other blended family, nor can I speak for the other members of my own, but I do not think my blended family can be summed up to a sentence in the dictionary.
I have a white mother and a white father. I am white. The color of my skin comes with privileges, some of which I am aware, and many that I am learning as I venture through my life with an open mind and heart.
My older sister and my two older brothers are Black. Their story is their own to share, so I will not attempt to. Instead, I would like to tell you what they mean to me.
Alex embodies confidence and she has always been a model for me to become bold, passionate, and fearless. David models for me the power of silence, and how important it is to observe the world around me. Elijah’s curiosity and drive continue to show me that his limits are endless, and so are mine. So here they are.
Elijah is my protector, my partner in crime, and my best friend. It has simply never mattered that we are six years and one day apart. He always included me in his fun: together we were superheroes, spies, wizards, and adventurers. He never made me feel unwanted, even if his friends were around; if Bryan and Missy occupied our living room for three hours, I was always included for two.
David is nine years older than me. You might be able to imagine what that was like. We bickered often and I tattled on countless occasions. This went on for many years of my childhood. However, nowadays we are very similar. Our shared love of Starbucks and sports make conversations comfortable. Our shared habits of deep thinking, procrastinating, and loving hard makes me feel like I am looking into a mirror.
My sister, Alex, is incredible. And yet, I cannot quite put our relationship into words. Rather, let me share a story. To set the stage, Alex is 12 years older than me. She was allowed to stay home alone before I could walk, she had a boyfriend before I knew better than to force him to watch SpongeBob with me, and she knew how to drive before I knew how to divide. Our age gap was limiting but, against all odds, she gave me everything.
I was around 10 years old, sitting in the front seat of Alex’s car. She turned the music down to ask me a question, one which she already knew the answer to. Without taking her eyes off the road, she asked me, “do you think you like boys or girls…or both?” I did not know what to say. We had had so many conversations about race, sexual identity, mental health, and all topics considered sensitive. I knew there was not a right or wrong answer, but it felt vulnerable to be asked so bluntly. My response (minus my stuttering and nervous pauses) was this: “I like boys.”
This memory sticks with me because I lied, and my siblings taught me better than that. They never lied about even the hardest things to discuss. Their open and honest discourse about all things in life have guided me from my earliest memories.
So many amazing and influential Black people have shaped the lives we live today, and it is right that we celebrate them, not only for one month but year-round. I would like to shine light on my siblings, who not only taught me the importance of Black History Month, but so much more.
They taught me about microaggressions, and how they experience them frequently in their everyday lives. They taught me that Black people are often singled out by police and treated unfairly according to the law. They taught me about racism and slavery from a unique perspective that I would have never understood in school. They taught me the importance of supporting black artists, musicians, and small business owners.Â
My siblings taught me many priceless lessons that formed my understanding and appreciation of Black History Month. And more, they taught me priceless lessons that formed who I am and who I want to become.
When I defined a blended family as “two parents rearing their children so that the separate constituents cannot be distinguished,” I could not have described my own family less. We are extremely distinguishable, and for that I am eternally grateful.