When you first realize that you are not where you thought you would be by this stage in your life, you go through this odd sort of disappointment. Maybe you pictured yourself as someone a lot more self-assured, successful, and well put together. Possibly, you believed that by now you would have clear goals, intimate relationships, or a deep knowledge of yourself.
Comparison is one of the easiest ways to make yourself feel miserable. Actually, that was pretty much the mindset I was in a couple of days ago. After that, I started to ask myself, “How would my past self view the current me? ” And frankly, the answer sort of caught me off guard.
Most of the things I have done now were the things I dreamed about two years ago. I was desperate for uniqueness. I aspired to become a better version of myself. I wished to live different experiences, take risks, and find my place in the world. I desired to be stronger, braver, and more sure of myself.
Even if I haven’t fully “made it” yet, there are things that I have done beyond which I have allowed myself credit. I’ve endured those days when I thought I couldn’t carry on. I’ve learned things that can only be picked up through experience rather than preparation.
I’ve made many significant changes in my life. Change does not always take the form that we regret. It is not always major achievements or well-executed plans that are noticeable; sometimes it is as if being present, sometimes it is the courage to keep going despite the doubts. Your self-awareness, strength, and honesty with yourself increase a little bit at times. We are not even aware of our progress because we are always on the lookout for the next version of ourselves.
There will always be another target, another standard, or even an exaggerated, currently unachievable image of yourself that you think of. However, this does not automatically suggest that your current self is not worthy of your compliments, your recognition, and your respect.
Imagine a time when you did not know what you know now, a time when you were a few years younger. What were your anxieties back then? What were your dreams? And what was the impossible at the time, which you consider normal now? Even if you do not always have pride in your life at present, at least you probably would have admired the person you used to be.
It doesn’t mean you have to throw in the towel on your dreams, desires, and self-growth. What it does mean is that you can do it with gratitude instead of constant misery. You might honor your past achievements and, at the same time, desire more from yourself.
It is totally fine to still be a bit short of your ideal self. The majority of people don’t have it all figured out. There’s no timetable for living, and getting better is a lifelong thing. Yet don’t let this distract you from something really valuable; you have already grown into the person you once needed. And that they are likely very happy with you.