I did not like to think about the time, money and effort that goes into my “self-care.”
I say self-care in quotations because if it was about self-care I would probably take a fat nap instead.
What I am talking about is the fake tanning, the nail painting, the plucking, the shaving, the waxing, the conditioning, the straightening, the curling, the moisturizing, etc.
This grew to be such a bother to me because I knew that it was a lot of time that I was spending pampering myself instead of doing things that I guess I deemed ‘more important’.
What were those things? I could not tell you, but they just seemed so much more important than treating myself.
Or, maybe I felt this way because while I had gotten up early and gone to the gym, had a body shower, eaten a protein-packed breakfast, done my skincare routine, put on makeup and a cute outfit and made it to class on time with a minute to review my materials, there always seemed to be some man in the world reminding me that I did not need to really do all of that to be the type of success that I wanted.
Then I had an introspective moment and really dug deep into why this might be bothering me.
Could it be… internalized misogyny?
Ding ding!
I think in some way, I made it seem like taking care of myself was dulled down because that is what women have known for forever.
Taking care of yourself is just as important as what other “important” things you could be doing or see yourself doing.
Women are labeled as having the predisposition for taking care of others yet when it comes to taking care of ourselves we feel foolish.
So, I have been really working on taking my sweet a** time taking care of myself because, guess what? I do a lot of important things in a day and if my 10-minute skincare routine at night makes me feel good about myself I am going to do it.
With this said, I do think that there are a lot of evil forces out there like *cough* capitalism *cough* and our societal views that make it really easy for women to fall into the money and confidence loop of reinforcing the idea that it is silly to take care of ourselves.
I will also say that a big part of this journey for me has been to take a day off if I do not feel like taking care of myself. If I need a nap, I nap. I am finding that it is about balance.
I am also finding that the true way to gratify yourself is to realize that the only person who should be expecting you to go the ten yards for your self-care is you. If it is external forces, do not listen.
There are also a lot of really good forces out there that are reclaiming the importance of taking care of yourself! I think the new trend is about stressing the balance of loving yourself and finding out what expectations you set for yourself by YOU.
It is a journey, as cheesy as that sounds, but I am learning to love my maintenance routine because I do it for myself.