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A woman and a man on bikes, reaching for each other with a sunset in the background
A woman and a man on bikes, reaching for each other with a sunset in the background
Photo by Everton Vila via Unsplash
SBU | Wellness > Sex + Relationships

About Loving And Being Loved  

Alexis Garmong Student Contributor, St. Bonaventure University
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at SBU chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

There is a question that arises when one decides that it’s time for them to choose a person to settle down with: 

Is it best to be with someone who loves you more than you love them?  

I used to think that I was only capable of being vulnerable to someone who loved me more than I loved them, if I even loved them at all. It is easy to open up to someone who sees the best in the worst parts of you, but it is not really fair to them.  

How could I use someone as an emotional outlet, knowing that with each conversation or kind word, they were falling deeper into a love that I could never reciprocate?  

Well, maybe I could have felt the same as them one day, but I never really gave them a chance. I was too afraid of being hurt. I thought of love as a weapon. The moment you give your heart to someone, you also hand them the means to break it.  

It is terrifying to imagine letting your walls down for someone who actually has the power to hurt you. I thought that I would never let anyone in. I would have sooner lived a loveless life than one of pain and hurt.  

But then, I realized that so many people already had my heart: my parents, my siblings, my friends, even my pets.  

They could hurt me in so many ways, but that has never stopped me from giving them my all because I know they deserve it. So, why not apply that same logic to romantic relationships?  

There are myriad things to fear in love.  

The people you love could leave you. They can make you worry about them incessantly and pray that nothing ever harms them. They can fill you with unmatched rage. They can embarrass you. They can cut you with a harsh word or use your vulnerability against you.  

But these are the terms that we accept when we agree to love and be loved.  

I no longer believe that there is any value in comparing who loves whom “more.” You can love people in different ways, but ultimately, you either love someone or you don’t. Love cannot be measured.  

Trying to turn love into a quantifiable thing is just a way of making sense of it. But love does not need to be understood; it just needs to be given.  

Alexis Garmong

SBU '27

Alexis Garmong is an editor of the St. Bonaventure University chapter of Her Campus. She writes and publishes weekly articles centered on topics like mental health and wellness, popular culture, and lifestyle. Beyond expressing herself and gaining writing experience, she aims to lean into the shared support, confidence, and sisterhood that Her Campus SBU has to offer!

Outside of Her Campus, Alexis Garmong is a junior majoring in psychology with a minor in communication. She was previously a journalism major, and this facet of her identity is demonstrated through her advocacy for ultimate truths and rights like Freedom of Speech. She is interested in philosophy, theology, and any subject that encourages one to look at the world from different viewpoints.

In day-to-day life, she enjoys listening to a massive variety of music genres and updating her Apple Music playlists accordingly. She loves films, fashion, art, literature, spirituality, animals, and nature. Her ultimate inspirations in life are Anna Karina, Audrey Hepburn, and Michael Cera. You can usually find her listening to Led Zeppelin or Black Sabbath, hanging out with friends, or lounging with her cat, Khaleesi.