I came across a comment while scrolling through TikTok the other day, a really sweet girl was giving advice on her college decision. Obviously, I’ve passed the point of deciding on where to go to college, so I’m not entirely sure why I dove so deep into the comments, but I guess my TikTok feed has a way of knowing when I need to read something.
The girl who commented on the post was talking about how she really wanted to go far away from home for college, but she just didn’t feel ready. In her replies, the other girl suggested, “You’re never going to feel ready because ready isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision.”
I immediately ran to my notes app to copy down what she said. I don’t know if the universe knew I needed to hear it or if it was just a coincidence, but I read her reply at the most perfect time.
The past few months, I’ve been struggling to decide what I want the next few years of my life to look like.
I know I want to do, I love my classes, and I honestly see myself doing well in the field, but I’m getting caught in this trap of comparing my path with others.
It’s hard not to feel behind in life when your hometown friends moved into their own apartments, in big cities far away from home, so while they experience new things and grow as people, it feels like I’m just here, studying, living at home all summer, slowly making my way into the world.
This is the path I wanted, and I know it’s still the right path for me. It’s just hard to realize that a lot of the time.
Even around people who are on a similar path I’m on, I still tend to feel behind. I hear about my friends’ work experience, and I worry that I won’t get an internship. I hear my friends talk about their resumes and worry that mine is not strong enough. I’m scared that I won’t get into a grad program, and slowly but surely, everyone else will have moved on, and I’ll still be in the same spot.
The thing that’s been on my mind the most is how, at the end of this year, I only need twenty-four more credits to graduate, you would think that would make me feel ahead, but it just seems to add to my worry.
In theory, a year from now, I could be applying to grad school, looking at apartments, and deciding real-time what life after Bonas looks like
But I don’t feel anywhere near ready for that.
As much as I feel behind, I feel nowhere near ready to move ahead.
Seeing that comment on TikTok hit home, not only because I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to move on to what’s next, but because I was applying to college not long ago at all, I submitted my applications, became an admitted student here and even came to orientation, after all that move in day came and I felt anything but ready. I honestly surprised myself by showing up and not backing out at the last minute, and even now, sometimes I think about how unready I felt for all the change that was happening, and I am shocked I stuck it out.
I needed to be reminded that time and time again, I’ve made the decision to take the next step despite not feeling ready at all, and each and every time, everything has worked out in the end.