When it came time to sell my soul, to whomever, or whatever entity, I was hesitant.
I stopped and waited. Red ink pen in my hand and smiled even though I was scared.
“Is this worth losing myself over?” Smile.
“Does this coincide with everything I was ever taught?” Smile.
I asked myself these questions while holding onto that red ink pen. The answer was “no”.
But still I smiled. It was the safest thing to do.
I not only looked but felt insane. I wondered if my soul was taken already.
Because only an insane person would be considering selling their soul in the first place. To an industry that was so unforgiving.
The literal and complete opposite of the God that I was taught forgave everyone who opened their mouth to repent.
Was I hesitant to sell my soul due to my love for God, or due to my fear of the Devil?
Because I was scared. I was taught to fear the Devil and to fear going to hell.
But I was also raised to be a God fearing woman in a church full of people who feared Him with me.
All I knew was to be fearful and at that moment, I was. So I smiled.
I wish that I were taught through love or respect or even moral.
So that when I was given a red ink pen, I would know why I was hesitant to sign.
Not due to fear, but due to love instead.
But that wasn’t the case. So again, I smiled.
I held onto that red ink pen and began to sign my name in blood.
I was going to be a singer. One of the best in the industry.
God willing.