As the first day of spring approaches, my mind is on renewal, rebirth and fresh starts. At the end of last year everyone,including myself, was claiming that 2019 would be their year. Now that the third month of the year is starting I can say that this year will be a milestone year for me.
A milestone as defined by Google is an action or event marking a change or stage in development. In November, I will celebrate my 21st birthday. Other than being able to legally enjoy alcohol (responsibly) this is significant to me because it signifies that I am a adult. Turning 21 is the pinnacle of my young adulthood. With me transitioning into this new chapter a very important personal goal I have set for myself is to be in a great headspace and mindset by the time November comes around. To achieve this goal I have decided to practice celibacy until I find someone worth a sexual interaction. To some people this sounds ludacris and they could never imagine it. For others it's a decision they have consciously made and for some they would rather be sexually active but have no options and constantly be connected to many souls that are detrimental to their mental wellbeing. For me it’s something I have decided to do because sex blurs my focus and I need to focus on priorities and not so much of leisure. Plus I have come to the realization that I do not want casual sex, friends with benefits or a situationship that will put my mental health at risk. As a single woman, I am dating but actually seriously dating. When getting to know guys, I make it very clear what my intentions are and it saves me and them a lot of time because we both know I will not be a booty call. This a different mindset that I have had in the past, and I like the growth that I have seen in myself.
Last fall and winter I was definitely in a different place mentally. I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship, and I was excited to have some freedom. That freedom ended up being short-term because I “caught feelings” for someone who I was only supposed to be casually involved with, friends with benefits as we say. When that person cut me off I was thrown off and it made me want to re-evaluate everything that I had been doing. I isolated myself and thought about what I really wanted out of the men in my life, what type of energy I was allowing into my space amongst other things. That time was hard but you can’t grow comfortably. Just like a seed sprouts from beneath the soil and emerges into a beautiful flower, growing is a process. Sometimes it is lonely, uncomfortable, and frustrating but in the end it will all be worth it, because I will be happy. Now I transistion into this new season I know what I want from a future partner, and I am in no rush to be in a relationship or have sex with anyone because of physical desires. When the April showers bring May flowers this year I may not be in full bloom but this is my year to grow into something wonderful.