Early last spring I wrote this article but since then a lot has changed so I thought it was time to revisit this article and take you through what I have learned and my journey. I will reference my last article a bit, so I will attach the link here for you to have if you want to read it. (https://www.hercampus.com/school/sau/fake-it-til-you-make-it-honest-truth/)
Fake It Til You Make It
The difference between last spring and this fall is vast. I still have daily personal struggles but I definitely feel more secure of the person I am and my character, which helps me answer all the questions I had before. At times I definitely feel like I am still “faking it” but it is not as deep as it was before. I was honest with you then, and I am going to be honest now because if these are my struggles, I am sure someone else out there may have 1 or more of them as well. Take a moment while you are reading this and think, do I ask myself the same questions? Are my questions similar? I think that this could be a moment of honest truth for you like it was for me while writing this article.
The questions I asked last time were: The classes I am taking are meant to be all taken together so why are they still doing this when they know it’s rough? Are they not listening to the feedback we give at the semester end? Will I get sick and have to miss a day? What if something happens like a family emergency? Am I doing my best? What if I fall behind on work? How am I supposed to keep it all straight when I use a planner and it’s not working this semester like it has in the past? Will I be a good Teacher? Am I doing Enough?
My answers now are: My classes are meant to be hard and make me think because it is going to prepare me for anything that comes my way when I student teach because all my classes will be put into practice at the same time. If I get sick and miss a day, it is okay. Let yourself get better rather than forcing your body to do something it is clearly not ready for. There may come a time when I fall behind, but if I communicate with my teachers, most of them will help me through, and the ones who I know are more strict focus on their work first to keep up to date on. “Will I be a good teacher?” Was the biggest question I had at that time about school, but when I sit and think about it, I know I have spent years working extremely hard so that I could be the best teacher I can be for my kids. I have seen myself grow in so many areas, and when I build lessons that are appropriate for the age level and also taught effortlessly. I see some of my classmates who are in my classes who aren’t always as ready, mature, considerate or thoughtful about word choices, and it just helps me see the difference. I know I am ready to teach, and I can’t wait to get my placement so I can prove even more to myself that this is for me because I am ready.
The questions I asked last time were: How did I make it work in the fall? Why do I feel like I am behind when I know I’m not? Am I gonna burn out? Am I producing the same level of work this spring semester as I did in the fall? Is my boss worried? Am I working enough hours? Am I balancing school, Work and my social life properly? What can I do to be better? Am I one step ahead of my boss so I can complete a task before it’s asked? Am I doing enough?
My answers now are: To be honest I feel like a lot of these questions still stand and that I am still struggling in this area because I can only control so much at a time. I feel like I am still falling behind, and I also need to train my DEI Ambassador replacement now which is more stressful. I definitely feel burnt out, and that is something I have been feeling for a couple of weeks, and I feel like my work is definitely looking that way when I turn in the first draft.
The questions I asked last time were: How do I get a small chapter to keep up with being a Diamond Level chapter? Am I doing a good job as a Campus Correspondent? Am I putting enough time in? Am I supporting my exec board and writers properly? Am I doing a good job running the Social Media for SAAT? Am I making posts that will get a lot of engagement? Will I do a good job as an advocate? Will I get a lot of cases? Will I look nervous on my first one? Will I be able to support them properly? Overall am I just doing enough?
My answers now are: Since the last time I wrote this I am now all the things I did before, but I am also now adding the President of Delta Alpha Pi which is an honor society to the list that seems like it is never ending. I have my moments where being the only CC is completely overwhelming, but I do have two VPs that I do need to lean on because they are meant to help me and ultimately replace me. As far as being an advocate I can’t go into to much detail but each case can be completely different and has their own needs which makes them hard to predict but as of this moment, I don’t have too many. I just know that it will be hard to do in the spring while I am student teaching.
The questions I asked last time were: Do I make enough time for my friends? Am I supporting them? Who are my closest friends that are true? Do my friends know how much I appreciate them? Why don’t I regret certain friendships? Why did I let the wrong people in and let them hurt me before I said enough? Why did I end up in some bad relationships and ignore the red flags? Am I enough for my friends and relationship?
My answers now are: In the last month I have lost a friend, but to be honest that was completely her decision, and it is on her. So did I really lose someone who was truly my friend, or were they my friend because it was convenient? I have lost other friends over the years and to be honest this seems to be a pattern that people are my friend when it works for them which I don’t need in my life so I prefer to have a small circle of friends who actually care about me than a big circle where no one knows me. Recently in my relationships I have decided to also expect more out of my partner. I don’t deserve to be treated badly or as the only option for them. I want them to constantly to actively choose me and show me that I am someone that they want to keep in their life. I know what I am worth and I won’t be seen or treated as less.
Will I ever stop FAKING IT and just MAKE IT?
Take a second to think before you leave. Do any of the questions sound familiar? How does that make you feel? Take this time whether it be a few seconds or minutes and just have an honest moment with yourself. No one needs to know but explore your thoughts and take note of how you feel. Is there a question that you constantly ask yourself?
My questions have taught me that I am more than I think I am. I work incredibly hard, and I need to be okay with that work being noticed without immediately thinking “Am I enough” that used to be my favorite question but I am growing and now I know that being enough doesn’t matter as long as I am happy, healthy, and giving my best.