Be unapologetically yourself.
If I had to choose just three words to sum up my college experience, those would be the ones. They are three words that I’ve learned, over time, create the most important concept that can so often be forgotten.
In high school and even in my first year here at Ambrose, I was not unapologetically myself. I didn’t even know who ‘myself’ was supposed to be. I was completely overwhelmed by the desire to be liked. I wanted nothing more than to be the girl that everyone thought was the perfect person. I wanted to be the one everyone remembered as the best athlete, the prettiest, the smartest and the nicest. Because that’s totally possible, right? Hah.
I strayed away from voicing my opinions if I thought they were too strong just to avoid conflicting viewpoints or arguments from my peers. Conflict was something I didn’t dare face, even if I knew that it was necessary.
It wasn’t until my sophomore year, really, that I realized I was never going to be that perfect person. That a perfect person did not freaking exist. I was forced to take a step back and realize that I really didn’t know who I was. After struggling with years of body image issues, going through weird, stupid college breakups and an confusing departure for a semester abroad, I realized that I had been so busy trying to please everyone that I had forgotten myself in the process.
It was during the four months I spent abroad that I finally started to get a feel for who I was. I started doing things I wanted to do, rather than doing what I thought everyone thought I should do.
Once I realized that I could truly do whatever I wanted to do, a lot of things changed. I started writing more and talking (a little) less; I started staying in when I was tired and going out when I wanted to; and, most of all, I started saying sorry a hell of a lot less.
And now that I’ve put myself out there and been myself, I have a group of best friends that know absolutely everything about me and love me—but they sure as hell don’t think I’m perfect. They make fun of me for being too up tight, for being too bossy, and for being an idiot on the weekends, but that’s okay. I’ve realized that accepting my own imperfections and finding people who can do the same is ten million times more important than being liked by everyone.
That’s not to say, though, that the opinions of others are never important, or that they never affect me. Some peoples’ impressions of me (or you, or anyone) are very important.
It’s imperative that I (or you, or anyone) have the respect of family, friends, professors and employers. Maintaining good relationships with the people who play a significant role in your life is an essential part of being happy. But maintaining mutual respect is not necessarily the same as being liked. Sometimes, people won’t like what you do, or really like you, to be honest.
I know that there are people who don’t like me, and that’s okay. It’s okay because 1) That’s human nature. Everyone cannot like everyone. And 2) A lot of times, those people who don’t like me don’t know much about me at all. They might know one thing about me that has put a bad taste in their mouths, or been told something through the grapevine that rubbed them the wrong way. But I guarantee you that they don’t know the good, or the best parts about me.
And they don’t need to. I’m not going to post on Facebook or Twitter about how great I am, or consistently post and talk about my own accomplishments and achievements just to prove that I’m worthy to someone I barely know or talk to—even though that’s what a lot of our society’s self worth has come down to. The people I know and love know what I’m worth and know what I have done and can do, and that’s all that really matters to me. And I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry at all.
Instead, I’m very thankful. I’m thankful for the friends I’ve made who don’t ask me to apologize for being myself. I’m thankful for the lifelong relationships I’ve built and the lessons I’ve learned over the course of these four years at St. Ambrose. Much of which I can credit to Her Campus for inspiring me to write more, to think and reflect more, and to share more than I ever have. So thank you, Her Campus, and thank you, SAU, for teaching me more than I could have ever expected, and to be unapologetically myself.
Maddison Carr, HCXO