This may be considered news–possibly breaking news that girls might want to hear. There has been some talk amongst girls about SF State guys: There aren’t any guys on campus who are eligible or interested. It seems like guys are either taken, playing for the same team, or just not approaching or pursuing. There has even been some jokes about SF State guys such as “cute guys only come out when the sun it out” or “they come out to the library when finals and midterms are in session.” Although the school has a higher female ratio, it’s understandable why girls are a bit frustrated when they don’t get approach. My roommate, who’s from LA, told me about what a SF cab driver said to her and her boyfriend when they were exploring the city for the first time. According to the cab driver, women in the city are always looking for love, but they normally don’t find it here. Reasons are that guys here are either gay, not eligible, or not looking for anything serious. Guys who are in the city are usually from out of state or the country and aren’t looking for anything serious since they’re in SF for a short time. For example, just recently (very recent) my other roommate was coming back to campus taking 28 bus, and a guy approached her. He stated he was from Dubai, that he was only in town for the weekend, and was wondering what she was doing that night. Seriously? The cab driver might be right! Well…That definitely sucks for us girls pursuing love in the city after college. Yet, that is just one perspective about love in the city.
However, a lot of girls at SF State are losing hope on guys and their lack of approach. But there has been some speculation that because we are in a generation where girls are more assertive and independent, we are seen as the “approacher” instead of being the “approachee.” So I asked a few guys on campus if they would normally approach a girl or have the girl approach them. Some guys responded saying they would normally approach, but it would be nice to have the girl approach them sometime because “it takes the pressure off us.” But how do guys decide when to approach a girl? Well that depends…
“You don’t want to approach a group of girls… because the girl that you’re going for… her friends can easily talk crap about you if they don’t like you.”
By some of the responses from guys were that they’d normally approach a girl if they were attracted to her and if she was approachable. Approachable? My first thought in hearing that answer was how do guys decide if a girl is approachable or what makes them approachable? A majority of the answers were the same: eye contact and a smile. Two very small and simple gestures like eye contact and a smile shows a girl is approachable?
“Smiling and making eye contact multiple times…at least 3-4 times.”
Well in that case, what is a non-approachable girl?
“You can tell when some girls don’t want to be approached, a.k.a the “resting b**** face.”
If many aren’t aware of the “resting b**** face,” it’s a facial expression of one looking like a b**** when you’re not trying to be.
“Perfect example of a non-approachable? A girl looking down on her phone with ear-buds on. It’s like a ‘don’t talk to me, I don’t want to be bothered’ thing.”
Apparently, the “DO NOT APPROACH” sign involves headphones and being invested in their phones. Personally, I found this funny, because I’ll admit I have done the headphones in ear or looking at my phone thing when I’ve walked past promoters handing out flyers (We all have done it before! Haha!).
Well, I then wondered what would be considered attractive in a girl on campus, and this was what I kept hearing:
“A smart girl.”
“A girl that can make good conversation.”
“A girl who can hold a conversation. Someone who has an urban metropolitan thinking…”
Urban metro-what?! Okay. It’s a person who is sophisticated, well-learned, and accepting of a wide variety of people and ideas.
I thought it was a bit funny how every SF State guy said similar things! They agreed they want to be attracted to the girl physically, but they also have to have substance; something to say or being able to have a conversation with them.
All in all, guys see the certain body language, eye contact and smiling, approachable.
A majority said girls who they can have a good conversation with is attractive. Very simple, I would say.
Well my advice to SF State girls is to yes, take some of the tips from the guy’s responses, but to also be open to the idea that if guys aren’t approaching, maybe you can try to approach.
BUT, if that is something you’d NEVER do or even think about doing, be comfortable with how everything is. You never know what the future will hold.
And then there is the “I give up approach.” Focus on graduating on time and then start looking for love outside of college (maybe not in the city, according to the SF cab driver. Haha!).
Last question: So are there any other signs or signals a girl can give that says “approachable?”
“Everything else is a wild card; guys are pretty stupid. We are definitely in the dark.”