What I learned in high school was that it was easy to avoid being confrontational. I didn’t feel the need to speak what was on my mind. Some stupid reasons were that I didn’t want start up any trouble or get on anybody’s bad side or I didn’t want to slip up on my words. If I don’t let the girl know that she’s annoying me, then I don’t have to worry about the anticipation and stress leading up to the confrontation and I can get on with my day. It was easier to just stay in the little bubble and not stir up any stress.
Eventually, I had gotten used to keeping my mouth shut, ideas in and thoughts pushed back. When I got to college, that’s when everything changed.
I was on my own, away from home in a new city where everything is fast paced and always in movement. I was surrounded by thousands of new people of different backgrounds and personalities. It was exciting being able to meet people, having them become part of my memory with each experience we intertwined, but there were times where I felt the need to speak up but kept my mouth sewn shut that I now see wasn’t for the best.
It wasn’t until a friend of mine mentioned that by not speaking up I was letting others push me around with their words, since I didn’t offer any of mine. With all these new intricate and widely different people arriving into my life, there was no doubt I would find problems in some of them that I needed to address. There were words I needed to say in order to better our friendship and clear my conscious since holding everything back in seemed to backfire and build more of hostility.
It wasn’t until I finally built the courage, which took weeks to obtain, to speak my mind in which a flood of relief flowed through my body. It was nerve-wracking for sure. The multiple scenarios of how the conversation could go went spiraling through my head, but I had proven to myself that the scenarios in my head were always worse than it was in person. My confidence and self-worth grew as I let my thoughts be freely heard when necessary as I felt stronger each time I spoke up and out.
It wasn’t just with speaking up that I needed to work on but speaking out in general. I always had trouble letting my thoughts be heard, whether they be compliments or comments that were far from harmful. When I got to college I realized how the smallest of compliments could make your friends or make someone’s day.
Let that girl know her makeup is serving looks or that she has a lovely way of talking. Let that boy know that he has a nice laugh or that he knows how to hold a conversation. Let that person know what is on your mind about them and be straight up with how you’re feeling. At the end of the day people should know how your mind is functioning and by being direct, it will be much easier to distinguish who you want to keep in your life.
College has shown me that we can’t keep to ourselves and stay within a bubble of shelter. To pop the bubble and step out is when we’re really living and being true to ourselves and others.