As you probably know by now, at Her Campus SF, the topic of relationships is always open, and the last Girl Talk session was about the single life. We noticed men our ages (21 to 25) didn’t want to commit and we were, basically, expressing how tired we were of this hookup culture that is cruelly preventing us from finding the big L, the watch-Netflix-and-cuddle, talk-on-the-phone-all-night, type of relationships. Later that night, I was watching a Sex and the City marathon on E! (don’t judge me) when this scene popped up. Charlotte York, desperate to find a husband, bursts into tears in the middle of breakfast: “I’ve been dating since I was 15, I’m exhausted!! Where is HE?”
That’s when it hit me: although it was only a TV show, SATC was pretty spot on about the real situation. In that scene, women in their late 30s were still complaining about men only wanting to have fun and not committing. And we, 22 year olds, were already talking about giving up and binging on ice cream in our Hello Kitty onesies? That was a sad (well…kind of appealing, but sad) vision. If we’re going to complain in 10 years, I say we enjoy this time. At our age, we should not be thinking that not finding a boyfriend means we will be old and alone with a bunch of cats. Actually, being single in your twenties is really not that bad. And I’ll tell you why!
1- You’re probably broke
If you’re a college student like me, and like me, you still rely on your parents for rent AND food…come with me and let’s both go take a seat and stay quiet. The dating game is not for us. Going to the movies, eating at nice restaurants, activities, birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day presents…that’s all very nice, until we’re on a student budget. Trust me, cuddling is nice, but the bright side of things when you’re single, is that you get to save some cash (or to spend it on yourself!).
2- No boyfriend, no problems
After I’m done whining about my poor single self, and decide to come out of my cave to go out with my friends, I can’t help but be happy I’m single then. Admit it, there is something satisfying about knowing you can do whatever you want, with no one blowing up your phone with “what are you doing??” texts on Girls Night Out.
3- Less drama
When you’re single, there is no jealousy, no games, and no cheating: if you want to make out with your bestie’s friend’s friend at the frat house party, you totally can (be careful, that goes without saying, but you get the idea)! All I’m saying is, we’re running out of time to be young and dumb, so enjoy before you become desperate to be in a relationship.
4- You get to focus on what really matters: YOU
Your twenties: the time where you’re in between school and jobs and you start making your own money (well…kind of). Take those years to travel with friends and spend time with family, making precious memories. But especially, spend some ME time, work on yourself: get the body you always wanted at your own pace, without the pressure of someone judging your appearance. Or work on your soul, so you can be happy with yourself before being happy with someone else. While it is easy to lose your sense of self in a relationship, that will help you be your own person.
5- You can focus on building yourself a career
You have time on your hands? Get off Tinder and go network and build your resume: extra-curricular activities, volunteering, interning…there are so many ways to secure your future and create experience!
Bonus: “Do you even know what love is?”
I was crying to my mom about a breakup when she blurted that out (see, my mom is the tough love kind of gal). But when I sat and actually thought about it, it didn’t take too long for me to realize that she was right. At 20, 21, 22, we’re still babies…the “real love” we’re looking for is not bound to happen right now. I believe in soulmates, and Ialso believe that rushing to find yours will only drive you further, most of the time in the wrong direction.
So be patient, and focus on the things you can actually do something about. Be single, happy and fabulous!
Bisous, Brigitte