Dear my high school self,
If you are reading this, its probably because you feel lost and unknown. I remember being you, like it was yesterday maybe because it was in some yesterday that I was you. Freshman year flew by in a flash. I walked through the gates of my school, repeating my trusty mantra, “I can do this.” I was terrified. All of a sudden, thousands of faces seemed to seep together into a big red ball, uniformed and indistinguishable from one other. Quickly, the crowd became so appealing and I wished more than anything to be apart of it. That was the first moment of high school and already I was losing myself. Freshman year was just a big mix of random friends and a ridiculous persistence to feel included. I knew everything, but nothing at all. I felt so much emotion, and knew not at all what to do with it. So that basically set me up for the beloved sophomore year, and to be honest, it was terrible. Statistically, this is when most student drop out and feel depression for the first time. For me, it was the first time I became of aware of me and hated it! I was so frustrated because who the heck was I and how in the world would I be able to find out? Before I realized how awesomely powerful I was, I looked to other things to give me answers.
Anyway, over the course of sophomore and junior year, I experienced two very real heartbreaks over the wrong guy and lost my best friend since childhood.. And let me tell you, the football player only made me feel sad for a month or two. But that best-friend-break-up, I’m still a little sad! Not like a heart wrenching sadness, but like a little tinge of care I push into the universe when I think of her. Word of advice about that best friend we have all lost, learn to forgive what happened without an apology and learn to reflect without hating yourself. We grow and sometimes it is together or apart, but never hate the growing process of anyone. You’ll appreciate it later. Anyway, old best friend, I love you and I cheer and pray for you from afar all the time so you go, girlfriend, you’re an incredible human being. So back to that cool football player, jeezlaweez. Where do I start? I guess, the end. Wait, no. Maybe the middle. I knew when he cheated the first time. I was dumb and naive and wanted to feel like I knew exactly what I was doing. Freshman year and middle school gave me great preparation right?The second and last time you cheated sucked, but thank you. I had lost the meaning of my worth and I needed to have that one guy just shake up my world a little to make me realize I’m strong for myself. Its a profound moment when you realize your power as a young woman or man, and honestly, if he had not given me that experience it would have probably taken a long time to realize how awesome I really was. However, I do encourage you to find it on your own without the heartbreak.
Thankfully that heartbreak set me up for a really awesome man I have now. I learned to appreciate great love and understood that the love for myself will always come first. Honestly, the love you have for yourself is the most important relationship because although you are head over heels for this person and they may feel like the rest of your life, you are the rest of your life so love yourself, enjoy yourself, and laugh at yourself!
Senior year was incredible. The people you had issues with, no longer matter. Neither do the issues. If you are a senior, don’t freak out! You are going to go to college. You are going to do just fine on the SAT. You will survive. I promise. Take a second and just look around. Every single person around you is experiencing something similar to you. You aren’t alone so don’t act like you are alone. Love the people around you and cherish your parents and siblings. You are going to be just fine, but that is because of the people and experiences around you.
My last thought to you is this: Believe that you are powerful. Don’t waste your time being sad or depressed. This may seem like it’s the end of the world, but it isn’t. You’ll wake up next month and you will be okay. That mean girl or attractive boy, is not worth your tears. You are a beautiful human being and you offer something awesome to this world so believe in your power because I sure do.
So to my high school self: love yourself because you’re worth all the love in the world.
Sincerely,
I’m found and known.