My boyfriend and I broke up the week before school started.
I could not deal with the distance; I could not deal with all that we had been through: the crying, the issues I thought we couldn’t resolve and the pain that was revolving around my heart.
I tried to solve it with a “rebound”. Not necessarily a rebound, more like someone who I thought could help me hide my pain. Someone I thought that could take my mind off of what I was going through because I was hurt.
Well not just someone, another boy, and let me tell you, that was a big mistake. I could not get over my Ex with everything in my body.
I was trying to rush the process, I was trying to speed past the healing process and just be okay. My rebound did not help the pain; he did not help me take my mind off my Ex.
The thoughts of my Ex just came back even stronger.
I wanted to call him and tell him that we need to get back together, that I needed him, that I wanted him. No matter what we had gone through, I thought I needed him to heal whatever I was dealing with.
I thought going out and trying to mask the pain would help. I thought looking different would help. I believed so many other things would help. After talking to my friends and asking them what they would do if they were me, I realized something.
The one and only thing that I need, is time, time for myself.
I need to take a step back and worry about myself. I have been worrying about a relationship and how to keep it together for a long time and the one thing I need to be worried about is me.
Being alone helps you find out what you deserve, what you will tolerate and will not tolerate. Being alone will show you who you are as an individual, and help you grow into the person you want to be.
I understand that being alone at this time will hurt, but you have to love yourself through this growing process. Reclaim your time and be yourself. You will get through this, trust me.
It might take some time. It could take four months or four years. It might take some tears; it might take some time for you to be completely alone.
You can even see yourself getting lost and asking, “what now?” Do not rush yourself to be ready for anything. The one thing I really want you to understand, is that it is alright to still love your Ex. I know for sure, I still love mine.
It is alright to relapse and want to talk to them but that’s when it’s most important to be strong and work towards being your best self.
Remember that time heals everything. Take everything one step at a time. You will be just fine.
Who knows what the future has for us or for me; I just know I will be taking all the time I can to get better for myself.