Closing my eyes, or looking at pictures, I can feel it perfectly. The crisp, South Bend air sneaking its way through the crack of my precious LeMans window. The view of the dome becoming more golden with each October day that passes. Classes picking up, midterm grades stressing everyone out, pumpkin candles burning (shhh…don’t tell the hall directors!), and cheap bottles of wine (icky) being shared after a long week. Football Saturdays, real conversations in class, Wednesday Finni’s, knowing you’ll have decent(ish) food to eat for dinner, and seeing people you like day in and day out.
And then I blinked. Suddenly, I’m looking up at my new home, standing on the cross streets of 34th& 1st. It’s sweltering, my suitcases are tearing at the seams from being oversized (whoops), and I’m a complete stranger to the doorman. June 4th, 2016, 2:00 p.m., New York City… I was submerged into the real world.
I have bills. I have a rent. I bought my own bed. In this city, a jar of peanut butter costs three dollars more than usual. Cutting your hair is the same as a plane ticket from South Bend to Florida. All my perfect and beautiful best friends are in Chicago and they hangout without me all the time, my sweet boyfriend who I saw every day is now my long distance, sweet boyfriend who I see whenever the Marine Corps tells him he’s allowed, I just saw my family after going without them for 4 months, there’s been tragedy in my hometown, and I wasn’t there for the funeral while all my childhood friends were. I’m tired and stressed 24/7, I’m alone a lot, I have one million bajillion thoughts running through my mind at once, I sometimes get home from work at midnight or later, I cry often, I write less, I have to remind myself to say my prayers by writing it in my phone, I workout at super odd hours because otherwise, it wouldn’t happen, I shake constantly from drinking WAY too much coffee, and I never, ever really know what I’m having for dinner.
You want to know how it works? How I deal? How, despite everything above, I’m actually way more than okay, happy as a clam, and a whole lot tougher than I used to be? Three words: Saint Mary’s College.
I don’t think I could ever really, truly, properly put into words what Saint Mary’s did for me. What it meant to stroll down The Avenue one last time, how it felt at graduation when they played the Belles of Saint Mary’s…and I tried with all my might to sing along, but the tears flowing down my face kept me from doing so. I could never do an excellent job of explaining what Saint Mary’s is to someone, how Saint Mary’s made me the absolute best version of myself. How Saint Mary’s taught me to discover what I’m good at, how to hone my talents … that I didn’t even know I had. It all sounds so cliché, but it was all real.
NYC is a dream come true. It’s been my dream since my first visit, when I was ten years old. To work for an author…dream come true times TEN. Yes, it happened, I got exactly what I wanted. I live in my favorite city, one of my best friends is here with me, (and she gets ALL of this) and we miss Saint Mary’s and love New York the same amount. But my real dream come true, was the one I didn’t know I wanted. That time where I applied to Saint Mary’s on a whim, not knowing much about it at all, but committing as soon as I got that acceptance phone call. Yeah – a phone call! A video of President Mooney answering the phone and accepting ME. A personalized acceptance letter that came a couple weeks later. Christmas Eve, 2011, was the best Christmas Eve of my life. And it is ALL thanks to Saint Mary’s, that I’m living my childhood dream, that I wrote about in journals, sitting in Greenwich Village …typing this. Saint Mary’s doesn’t leave you … no matter where you go. The only people I hangout with here are Belles … I even live with one who I love to death! Location means nothing, Saint Mary’s means everything.
It feels weird thinking that I’m submitting to Her Campus. The chapter my wonderful co-starter/(roomie/friend/etc) and I created. We built it up from nothing, edited girls’ submissions, shared the articles, gave away the freebies. And now I’m on the other end – being so happy with our pick in who we handed down our baby to– and thinking -this is my final article. It’s weird knowing that.
Now, life is different. Every morning, I wake up looking down 34th Street, the Empire State building, the freedom tower, the Chrysler building, the morning sun shining over a new day of opportunity in the greatest city in the world. My mom calls me the “miracle on 34th street”, (because sometimes when that rent check goes through … it is quite a miracle to be on 34th street … let alone NYC) so I try to make the most of my location. I try to get up in time to sip coffee from my balcony and take in the city. I try to sleep with my blinds up, because I don’t feel right covering up that kind of view. I LOVE New York. Every day is different, every day flies by and drags on all the same. Every day I remind myself – how lucky am I to have a job, with a Belle, my dream job, in my dream city! The days are all different, they change, they vary. Sometimes, work is work, whether it’s your dream or not, and sometimes I question everything.
But one thing that remains constant: is what I gained from Saint Mary’s, myself. Who I am will never change, and what was cultivated in Notre Dame, Indiana…is who I am now, who I’ll be for the rest of my life. It’s nice knowing when you go back for a game, it feels as though you never left, and when all your friends are back together…like nothing is different. It’s nice knowing New York City could never change that. I feel as though I have some sort of power over this powerful city…where people are easily changed, for worse or for better. Knowing who you are before you get here is key, because this city will eat you up and spit you out if you let it. Losing your job is scary. Losing yourself is scarier.
With a Saint Mary’s education, you don’t have to worry about either of those things. With a Saint Mary’s experience, you get to pick what you want, what you’ll deal with, what you’re good for. You can walk away from anything that’s not good enough for you, because you are the best. You also know what you can handle, you know not to give up. You know you’re not a quitter. You know yourself, you’re confident in your decisions. You don’t have it all figured out, but with Saint Mary’s, you’re already one step ahead. Any Belle knows this to be true.
Sister Madeleva made us a promise. “We promise you discovery, discovery of yourselves, discovery of the universe, and your place in it.” No truer words have ever been spoken. Maybe your place in the universe isn’t where you are right now, and maybe you’re living your dream! But Saint Mary’s College gives you what you need to make that decision…and make your changes.
Someone asked me a few weeks ago, “where’s home?” I had trouble with this question. What do you say when you were born in Seattle, moved to Guam, then to Florida, and then back to Seattle, then back to Florida for most of your childhood, and now you’re living here, in New York City as a 20something. Where the heck is home?! Your parents can move, you change apartment buildings, you relocate, your sister applies to college, your fish dies, your dog barks at you when you come home for the first time in months, your car isn’t yours anymore…your home is pretty much ever changing. So what popped into my mind first? The place where I became ME. The place my beautiful, generous, caring, amazing parents let me attend. The place where I met all my favorite people, fell in love, made connections and memories, made stupid mistakes, (so I don’t now), ran around the lakes, laughed every single day….the place where I became in tune with my faith, the place where I had a warm cookie (or two) every Friday.
The place is Saint Mary’s College. Home … is Saint Mary’s College. And yeah, I miss it.