Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder (Which is You!)
While we were discussing the societal expectations of how women are represented in commercial advertising for specific products in my Introduction to Gender and Women’s Studies class, a few students provided suggestions as to how media portrays women to look, act, and represent in order “send the message.” One of the suggestions was “attractive,” and being the loud personality that I am, I blurted out “Well, I definitely defy that quality by a long shot!” My friend sitting next to me hit me in the arm and whispered “stop it” while some of the other girls behind me seemed upset by my statement, along with the professor. I was expecting a few laughs, but instead I received concerned looks. This may seem like an unimportant realization, but those few seconds of concerned looks hit close to home for me.
I’ve never been the skinniest person growing up, but that by no means makes me super unhealthy—I consider myself to be “bigger-boned” (which is a legitimate genetic contribution). I’m the average height, but I’m certainly not a single-digit size for clothes and shoes. The fact that I’m not a single-digit size has haunted me ever since I was in middle school. The awkward formative years came rolling in during that time and I was in it for the long haul in terms of criticism. I developed much earlier than all the other girls in my class, and they weren’t shy to let me know about my rapid progression. It wasn’t until eighth grade where everything went more south than my snowbird parents going to Florida during the winter. To put it honestly, I was bullied about mostly everything concerning me—from the “over-accentuation of my curves” by my clothes to why I had to be the smartest student in the class and basically be a “good kid.” I started to believe in their words and apply that to myself, having that criticism cloud my judgment. I hated myself more and more daily, losing my self-confidence quickly and being very ashamed of my personality. I was sinking into a deeper depression throughout the year; even trying to change myself to make others happy wasn’t working for them, which made me further ashamed. For virtually an entire year, I basically lost my sense of self, confidence, personality, faith, and almost everything else about me that made me unique, genuinely believing that I would never recover from the internal pain. I honestly did not believe that I would ever recover from it.
I looked forward to high school because it was a fresh start. Overall, I couldn’t have asked for a better experience—I started gaining more self-confidence through friendships and professional relationships with the faculty. I restored my faith in God and developed a stronger spirituality, which was the most essential factor in becoming myself again. However, there were countless amounts of times where I went back to that negativity mentality of my self-image, once again believing how ugly I was. There’s absolutely no way that I fit the physically “ideal” image in today’s society—Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model-like with blonde hair, blue eyes, tan, thinner body (yet muscular), and overall wearing sexy clothes. I have thick brown and curly hair with green eyes, a bigger body, usually easily sunburnt (I may be Italian, but I didn’t get the tanning gene from my dad’s side, that’s for sure…). But if you think that sweatpants and t-shirts are sexy, then I am most definitely drop-dead gorgeous in them ;)
Now that I’m a senior in college, I’ve looked back on my life and realized how much I love the woman that I’m becoming before my eyes. I have a lot more confidence in myself than I previously did when I was 14, but I still have days where my mind takes me back to middle school, thinking about those demeaning remarks that made me lose my self-confidence. It sets me back a little bit, making me believe that I’m still the ugly duckling and how I’m not “ideal” for today’s society. I’ll make sarcastic comments about how I can be a substitute for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (which can definitely be a side job if this whole college thing doesn’t work out) but that I’d scare people off with the way my body is; my friends, who care deeply about me, tell me that I have to stop with the self-deprecating comments just to make others laugh. As much as I’ve learned from personal experience, they have taught me more than I could ever imagine, which I’m grateful for. To those who may need a few words of encouragement, read further; I hope that some of the advice that my friends and family have given me, along with my personal experience, give you some reassurance of how beautiful and precious you are here.
· People generally don’t notice your “external flaws” until you deliberately point them out. Don’t let people know about your insecurities at first meeting. It’s easier said than done (I know that extremely well from experience), but it’s a great first step in learning to love yourself. Once you become older, you’ll look back at your throwbacks and laugh at how hilarious they are—if not yours, feel free to appreciate mine that are below ;)
- Embrace your strengths, but recognize your weaknesses. I’m not afraid to let people know how much of a biology nerd I am (once you start watching House, you can never go back) or the amount of sports history I learn just for fun. People know I’m loud, outgoing, and that I put others before myself. However, that’s also one of my weaknesses—putting others before myself 99% of the time. If I don’t, I believe that it makes me look like a selfish person, but it’s not. It’s ok to be perfectly imperfect!
- Surround yourself with the people you love the most and say bye to everyone else. Your family and closest friends will love you and support you for as long as you live. Everyone else that brings more negativity can get the waving hand emoji. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help/advice about anything you may be struggling with.
- Most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF. Again, it’s easier said than done, but you need to be the person that you want to be. Don’t lower your standards for anyone else, and you should definitely never compromise your beliefs in order to please others. Stand your ground, be yourself, and embrace your beauty. Instead of taking a look in the mirror and pointing out what’s unappealing with you physically, point out what’s beautiful with you internally, physically, emotionally, mentally, and personally. Listen to my man Bruno Mars—“’cause you’re amazing just the way you are.” (He’s singing about you, take my word for it). You’re beautiful, don’t ever forget that!
Photos provided by the author
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