Opinion: Friendship Breakups Are Harder Than Relationship Breakups

"Maybe we could be each other's soul mates, then we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.” (Charlotte York, Sex and The City).

Maybe that’s why it tears my heart apart every time I lose a soulmate.

 

Lately, I’ve been feeling that I am losing a beloved friend. The overwhelming sadness has made me feel like I am going through a break up with a loved partner, if not even worse. It seems like falling out of a friendship has always done more damage than a romantic relationship ever could.

There’s something about the end of a friendship that is always quite unexpected to me. When in a relationship, I'm expecting an eventual break up. It's simply because I have no intention of spending the rest of my life with the person even when starting a relationship. However, in terms of friendships, I for some reason always expect it to last a longer time.  While I am fully aware of the signs and patterns before falling out with a friend, it is still something I would rather refuse to believe.

It is also about the amount of emotional devotion which I have put into the friendships. Ever since I can remember, I've thought that friendship is probably the most important relationship other than family. For the longest time I considered friends as my family. While over the years it has made me stick with some of my most loved ones, other times it just hits me harder than anything. With such value I’ve devoted to friendships,“you should be doing everything for your friends” is what I thought. But it doesn’t always go both ways, and being the sensitive “bb” I am, I get hurt when I don’t get what I expect from a friend, and it hurts even more when I stop being friends with them.

I often forget that I am not conjoined with my friends no matter how close we are. Even though many of my friends have helped me get through the hardest times, I need to constantly remind myself that it is not their obligation to “be there” for me. We are all individuals who have our own different values, preference, and just lives in general. Things can be out of control and can’t be always be the way friendships are in the beginning, all sweet and cute. Facing the fact that friendships are just like other relationships that will eventually end; even a life long friendship will face the separation of death. When the time comes, it's important to accept the facts and to let go and be grateful for the good things from the friendship.

There’s so many times when I could’ve worked on a friendship in so many ways, but there’s also so many things I cannot control when a friendship is falling apart. One could only wish that the lessons learned from the mistakes will prevent more heartbreaks in the future.