This week, I deep dived into the world of online dating. Being single is great; you can flirt with your cute waiter, go on as many dates as you want or spend your free time alone in bed binge-watching Gossip Girl shamelessly. It’s especially fun when you actually have people to go on dates with… which – let’s be honest – can be really hard to find sometimes.
Going on blind dates isn’t a new concept. As early as newspapers have been printed there have been “bachelor and bachelorette” ads published in order to advertise singles to a broader audience. I’m sure even in the ancient world there was that one friend who wanted to introduce you to “this great guy, he’s my cousin’s co-worker, he has such a nice smile, and he’s single!”.
With the digital era, blind dating upgraded itself to a massive scale of consumption within massively popular apps like Tinder, Bumble… and the list continues. The appalment at swiping and “shopping for people” was quickly replaced by single’s eagerness to text, and with good luck go out with people they’d never meet otherwise. As with all dates, some are a flop, but others end up resulting in modern love success stories. I’ve met at least a dozen couples who are engaged or in a serious relationship and met off of a dating app (including my cousin, who met his now-wife on Jdate).
Having this in mind, I embarked on my mission to try out tinder for real and actually go on a date. Here are my experiences below (with screenshots!):
Custom Blue Camaro
I had actually matched with this guy in January but had completely forgotten about texting him back for some reason. Since I had just reopened Tinder, he messaged me offering an expensive dinner at a West Loop Mediterranean restaurant and good conversation. I said, “why not?”. I was in the process of moving so my secret plan was to go out with him, but also get some help with heavy lifting.
Shoutout to my poor texting skills. Also, why did he call me babe? Why did he say I was “working with him”? Sigh.
He greeted me with “What’s up motherfucker?” as we met up at Giordano’s where we proceeded to eat (delicious) garlic cheesy bread. We talked about raves, snowboarding and, extensively, his camming channel (for video games) which was overall highly lucrative. He paid for dinner, then showed me his car which was a brand-new, blue Camaro with custom stripes on the front and back. Impressed, and entertained by his friendly attitude, I was down to hang out some more so we went to a nearby bar.
Things went south fast, as we started talking about rape, wherein he mentioned that “men are raped more than women in America,” which I challenged heavily. He pulled out his phone to look up statistics only to find actual statistics on how common rape is and how it overwhelmingly affects women. Our conversation lulled to a silence, we left the bar and awkwardly hugged good-bye.
2. Daddy Kink Mix-Up
This guy was one-hundred percent my type: he was smart (studies airplane engineering), silly (we joked about BDE), blatantly real and spoke Spanish fluently. We got to texting and instead of talking about our regular lives, straight up talked about our past tinder dates and sexual endeavors. The conversation progressed as it got later and we started sexting, as you naturally do after two hours of talking to a total stranger (I did it for the research, okay). Now here’s where things got weird: he didn’t ask me to call him daddy, but he referred to himself in that way so I rolled with it and assumed that’s what he was into. It was a good time and although we haven’t met up yet, we still talk and he’s pretty cool.
A few days ago, we were texting and the subject of the daddy kink came up once again. I subtly mentioned that although it wasn’t my “thing” specifically, I was pretty open-minded about other people’s preferences. He was taken completely by surprise; apparently, he had only said that because he thought I was into it and the whole time we’d been talking neither of us actually wanted to say, daddy. It was both embarrassing and hilarious, and I’d say this tinder match was a big win in terms of entertainment as well as a solid friendship.
3. My Roommate Came Home With My Tinder Match
This one was a hilarious coincidence. I had let my friend do the tinder swiping for me at some point, and she’d swiped on a guy I was not attracted to but he messaged me so we talked briefly. He mentioned being interested in performance art, to which I responded enthusiastically because it’s one of the main interests as well. Unfortunately, he followed up with:
To say the least, I stopped talking to him, but a week later my roommate mentioned she was seeing this guy off tinder. She eagerly hopped out of bed and ran over to the kitchen to show me pictures of her new potential manz, who was the performance art, pick-up-line man. We laughed it off as a strange coincidence and I shook my head as I kept washing dishes.
A few days later, they went out to a brewery for a date that ended up being quite annoying (he fell asleep at their date, pre-gamed before it and didn’t venmo her back for their beers). I tried not to run into him, but we ended up walking right into each other on my way to work the next day. *awkward*
4. Honorary Mentions
Gold Chain Love
Anyone who knows me knows I love me a man who wears a gold chain. This was my match, with three gold chains which I found very cool. I did not continue talking to him, but respect!
Exactly Like My Ex
I’m not even attaching a picture because I think it would be rude to both my ex and this tinder guy, but it was ridiculous. They look the same, down to the single-check-dimple, following the same major, being hopeless romantics who partake in casual dating as a hobby, also heavily into video games and share identical values. He was so much like my ex that I ended up not going out with him.
Girls Won’t Text Me Back :-(
Before I matched with guys, I tried talking to a lot of girls- at least four or five, but they all stopped replying. This made me sad. That’s all I can say.