https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAOq38rVGbE
I recently decided to watch the Netflix show “Dating Around” which is a TV series about people of different backgrounds going on blind dates. I was interested in this show because I saw a clip of it on Instagram, where a white man is berating a woman of Indian descent for being a “liar” and “unworthy” because her first marriage stemmed from her feeling pressured to marry, and not out of “pure love”. The video was extremely impactful because it seemed like an interaction that any woman could be on the receiving end of in the current digital dating era, inhabited by a plethora of disrespectful singles.
In the clip, attached below, Gurki, our single, successful woman is insulted by her date, who’s name is Justin. He doesn’t give her the opportunity to speak at all, and makes constant assumptions about her life while only having known her for one date prior.
This clip terrified me, I wasn’t surprised because I could see this happening to a woman going on a blind date. I wanted to breakdown the subtext of what the says to her and point out exactly what I found so scary.
“You lied to a man.”
I thought this quote was interesting because it emphasized her lying as being aimed towards the male gender. I feel like in this quote, Justin was making a moral judgement on Gurki and this is why he chose to say “you lied to a man” instead of “you lied to your ex-husband”. It was just a very broad way of saying that she had not been with her ex husband out of the values that he found to be morally righteous.
“You ruined 8 years of your life, [interrupts her explanation] you TOTALLY ruined them”
In this quote, he makes again a big moral judgement on how her relationship had completely ruined 8 years of her life, to which she starts to argue that she didn’t, and she had been in love at one point. This was very hurtful to watch because it is confusing why this man thought it was his place to comment on her personal like/experience, especially after having only met once. Even when she attempted to explain herself, he wouldn’t let her go on.
“How could I ever trust you? How could anyone ever trust you?”
This was a very toxic line because it’s something people in abusive relationships use to gaslight their partners (gaslighting is making someone think they’re crazy or lesser by using their own words or actions against them).
When she says that they won’t see each other again, he gets up and leaves which I found interesting. Once she makes it clear that there won’t be a second date or any opportunity for them to be together, he decides this conversation is no longer worth having and leaves.