"Maybe we could be each other's soul mates, then we could let men be just theses great, nice guys to have fun with” (Charlotte York, Sex and The City). Maybe that's why it tore my heart apart every time I lose a soulmate.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m losing a beloved friend. The overwhelming sadness had made me feel like I am going through a break up with a loved partner, if not even worse. It seemed like falling out of a friendship had done more damage than a romantic relationship could ever could.
There's something about an end of a friendship which was always quite unexpected to me.When in a relationship, I am more expecting an eventual break up. It’s simply because I have no intention of spending the rest of my life with the person even when starting a relationship. However, in terms of friendships, I for some reason always expect it to last longer. While I am fully aware of the signs and patterns that come up before falling out with a friend, it’s still something I would rather refuse to believe that would've happened.
It’s also the amount of emotional devotion which I have put in to the friendships. Ever since I can remember, I was taught that friendship is probably the most important relationship other than family. For the longest time I considered friends as my family. While over the years it has made me stick with some of my most loved ones, other times it just hits me harder than anything. With these values, I’ve been devoted to friendships: “You should be doing everything for your friends,” is what I thought. But it doesn’t always go both ways, and being the sensitive “bb” I am, I get hurt when I don’t get what I expect from a friend, and it hurts even more when I stopped being friends with them.
I often forget that I am not conjoined with my friends no matter how close we are. Even though many of my friends have helped me gone through the hardest times, I needed to constantly remind myself that it is not their obligation to “be there” for me. We are all individuals who have our own different values, preferences, and just lives in general. Things can be out of control and can’t be the way the friendships are like when it’s all sweet and cute at the beginning. Facing the fact that friendships are just like another relationship that will eventually end, even a lifelong friendship will face the separation of death. When the time comes, It’s important to accept the fact and to let go and be grateful for the good things from the friendship.
There’s so many times when I could’ve worked on the friendship in so many ways, but there’s also so many things I cannot control when a friendship is falling apart. One could only wish that the lessons learned from the mistake will prevent more heartbreaks in the future.