“Fitting In” – What does it mean to belong?
Paper, pen, banana, eraser. Which one is the odd one out? When sorting words or even objects, it’s easy to tell which one doesn’t belong. However, with people it gets a little more complicated- especially if the one that doesn’t feel accepted is you.
Everyone has had a moment in life where they felt out of place- it could’ve been an awkward middle school phase where the “cool kids” made fun of your outfits (we’ve all been there), an awkward reunion where you didn’t know anyone there, or maybe even a cold, grey day like today.
Coming from a different country adds a whole other spectrum of confusion towards belonging, especially when you have two places to call home. Suddenly complete strangers will ask you “which one do you like better?” and you realize you have to put one before the other. For me, this created a very large split in my being, specifically between my two “homes”: Ecuador and the peaceful suburbs of Silver Spring, Maryland. The divide was so meaningful I could physically feel it in my body: being torn between belonging in Ecuador, or belonging in Maryland. I thought I was used to the idea of questioning my identity and my roots, and that this would be a permanent state of being. However, getting to college put a whole different spin on the situation- as I’m sure it has to many others who can relate to this situation.
The question of fitting in is essentially how much you care. Does it really matter if you are a total outcast or the most loved person if you don’t care at all? I concluded that no, not really. So maybe the key is not to care if you’re out of place or not. However, this could pose a plethora of problems, such as being insensitive, or accidentally disrespectful to others for the sake of nonchalance. Besides this, it is inherently in human nature to seek a community and it is near-impossible to be content with little to no social interaction. Even as an introvert, at times one needs other people around to have a better day, or receive much needed advice.
Therefore, the best answer is probably not to go around saying “fuck it” to making friends or trying to join a community. The best solution, in my personal experience, is to bond with oneself and become your own support and “home” before any location, person or architectural structure. After all, you can’t ever really lose who you are. There might be some phases in life where people have the movie-like “I can’t even recognize myself in the mirror” moments, but in the end… it’s just your brain doing the thinking. Despite whatever phases a person can go through, mental troubles or hardships, they will always belong to themselves, both physically and mentally.
Once a person decides to put themselves as their own best support, the question of belonging seems a lot less important.