As a hopeless romantic, I’ve watched too many romantic comedies through out my teenage years. While they have established my unrealistic romantic standards and screwed me over in the dating filed, they have also given me some great love advice. To quote one of favorites, “27 Dresses,” my teenage crush Kevin Malcolm Doyle once said, “Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind”. This quote became my motto when it came to reckless romantic relationships. But I have to confess that for years I thought what he said was “Love is Blind”.
That’s because this is exactly how I feel whenever I find myself or hear others stuck in a painful romantic situation. I don’t know how many times I have heard from my friends or in my head saying,“I think this person can finally be the one, and despite all of their issues I believe that I am the one who can chance it all better for a happily ever after”.
Now I hate to break out two bad news, which probably is fairly obvious by now: one, I am not going to talk about my favorite rom-coms today. Two, In 99.999% of the cases appears with such conversions, that lovely problematic one and only will not provide a happily ever after, ever. Yet sometimes it’s the most obvious fact that people overlook in relationships when they are so blinded by the romantic affection.
Why is this the case? My theory is that for most people, we all want the happily ever after we once heard from fairytales, and no one wants the harsh reality which normally holds no resemblance to the fairytales. So as a protection from getting heart broken, people have started to fool themselves with white lies. However, in this kind of situation it’s like a bandaid you have to peel off fast. If you let the bandaid set on your wounded skin and not peel it off just because the fear of temporary pain, the wound will eventually just rot.
When one is deeply, emotionally involved in a romantic relationship, there is a tendency to want to stand in the rain and wait for someone to change or even expect to somehow “fix” that person’s problem. The thing is, we all behave in different ways. Maybe the person who appeared to have issues from your perspective has done nothing wrong after all, and that is simply the way they are. Trying to change or fix the problems of the one you love can be dangerous.
It is not simply self-reflecting, when blinded by strong sensation of love, one can easily overlook the unbalance of the relationship. I truly believe that if one is putting another though hell, it really says something about them. The tendency of one pushing others away ultimately leads to certain negative personal experiences they have experienced. However, if someone is leaving you out in the cold when all you wanted to do is help, it is also important to think about that as maybe you are just simply not as important as their “issues”.
People who truly care about and value you, show up. They might not be following you around 24/7, but in that situation when you are left out in the rain, they will show up with towels and umbrellas. Everyone has certain kinds of behavior they would like to improve on in reacting to a relationship. But those “issues” do not justify the unfair treatment to the person they are in a relationship. One simply needs to realize what they deserve and what their partner deserves; none should be treated in a way that they don’t deserve.
I can tell you next time, when you’re in love don’t get blinded or just walk away because that just shows how much sympathy and strong emotions you have as a human being, and there is certainly nothing wrong with being who you are.