It’s all fun and games until those feelings you told yourself weren’t going to get in the way of things–get in the way of everything. Originally, both of you were on the same page. You referred to him as, “this guy I’m hooking up with” and he referred to you as, “this girl I’m hooking up with.” Originally, both of you were fine with this label, but soon enough one of you is caught skipping ahead a few chapters. If both of you are hitting fast forward, this is a GOOD thing. However, that’s not always how it pans out. More often than not, one of you is hitting fast forward, while the other is trying to hit rewind–and by trying I mean not trying at all. This is where the issue of leading someone on begins. The leader, the person who is less into it and therefore the person doing the leading-on, doesn’t want to put a hold on this relationship (if you want to call it that) just yet. Why? He or she enjoys the perks of having someone on campus willing to come over late on a Saturday night. Who wouldn’t? The shocking part is that, at first, the person who is being led on (the person who is subconsciously developing feelings), does not even realize that he or she is being led on. This brief period of time where this person is too blinded by his or her feelings to realize that he or she is simply being led on is a period of luxury for the leader. The leader enjoys the “relationship’s” benefits, somewhat guilt free, until that person who is lying next to them in the morning says something that raises a red flag. What is considered a red flag? It depends on the person, really. Check out what our fellow Sacred Heart students consider their red flag…
From a Guy’s Perspective:
1. “When she says, ‘Can we talk? I need to get something off of my chest.’” – Daniel Lisi
2. “When she starts calling me babe.” – Anonymous
3. “When her friends are getting involved by asking me what my status with her is”- Brian Breslin
4. “When I continuously feel pressured to respond to her in a certain way so that I don’t hurt her feelings. For example, when she asks, ‘What are we?’”- Ben Thomas
5. “When she tries to kiss you in public” – Cole Walton
From a Girl’s Perspective:
1. “When he starts offering to pay for dinner, drinks, etc.” – Katie Pegno
2.“When he says he wants me to meet his family.” – Gabriella Rosen
3. “When he tries to either hold your hand or put his arm around you in public.” – Laura Martin
4. “When you see his mom out in public and she starts asking you about your relationship with her son. It’s like, how did she know?” – Marissa Miller
5. “When his texts start to become too clingy e.g. ‘I miss you,’ ‘I want to see you.’” –Maggie Bortner
AND…WHEN IT’S OBVIOUS THAT HE’S LEADING YOU ON: “When he tries to hide your relationship. For example, by untagging himself from pictures of the two of you.” – Brianna Connor
Don’t let yourself be led on like Jamie was in, Friends With Benefits. Watch out for red flags so you can avoid a letdown later on.
Although leading someone on may seem fun and easy in the beginning, it only becomes more complicated as time goes on. Bottom line is that although it may seem like a good plan, leading someone on is never a smart idea. And plus–if it ends badly, you will still see that person all the time. You two go to the same school and he or she probably lives in the dorm next to you. End things sooner rather than later to avoid a totally awkward situation later.