We all follow “that girl” who constantly blows up your Insta news feed with her #selfiesunday or annoying #eatcleansummerbod pics. You know, that girl who can’t go to Starbucks or Dunkin without documenting her #basicwhitegirl coffee photo. And she definitely can’t go a day without making our taste buds jealous with her excessively-filtered Granola Bar panini and cappuccino Instagram. Yup, that girl, who to our amazement never receives fewer than 300 likes on each post. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a very exclusive group of girls: The Instafamous.
We roll our eyes, we screenshot to the group chat, we curse at our phones, but at the end of the day, while she is basking in the glow of her 300 likes, we could only dream of reaching such high Instagram status. You can pray to the Instagram gods all you want but trust me– these skills can only be acquired by mastering the “Guide of the Instafamous.” So, to make life easier for you we’ve decided to break down, step by step, the rules and specifics of posting the perfect Instagram!
Jenna Marbles clearly knows the ways of the Instafamous
RULE#1: How to gain Insta followers.
NEVER, we repeat, NEVER hashtag for likes or followers. Come on honey, don’t be that desperate. Turn off your private settings and go on a mass following spree! Do you know this person on a nickname basis? Probs not, but she seems like a loyal liker. We guarantee in no time your number of insta followers will grow and you know what that means: MORE LIKES!
RULE #2: Make Whitagram your new best friend.
If you have yet to download the Whitagram app on your phone, we urge you to drop everything and do it. Now. This life-changing Instagram application includes 12 different filters, brightness and saturation adjusters, a picture sharpener, red-eye and blemish remover, and finally (my personal favorite) teeth whitening!! #iwokeuplikethis? Debatable. Just make sure no one calls you out for not really being model status, but who really cares if you’re getting those likes, right?
RULE#3: Choosing the perfect filter.
This may be the most crucial step of your Instagram process. Seriously though, what is an Instagram if no filter was used in the process? We deal with filters with the utmost care and respect, as should you. Luckily for you, we have decided to reveal to you now the most perfect filters for the ultimate insta. Wanna look like you just walked off the beach with the most perfect, even tan? Mayfair is for you. Does that photo of you dropping low in the nightclub need more color pop? We suggest X-Pro II. Are you feeling old Hollywood glam today? Go bold with black and white using Inkwell. Throwback Thursday fake laughing candid with the betches? Turn it vintage with Nashville. Your filter choice is everything. Good thing we got your back ;)
But first, choose the perfect filter…
RULE#4: The ideal time to post your Insta.
No matter how artsy or awesome you believe your photo may be, if you post your pic at the wrong time you might as well kiss those 300 likes buh-bye. TIMING IS EVERYTHING. Weekday or weekend should be the first clue. For a weekday post you have four time slots to throw that pic up for maximum likes: 12:30pm for the lunch crowd; 3:00pm for the bored, is it 5 o’clock yet workers; 6:30pm for our dinner table cell phone users; and 9:30 pm for those in bed scrolling through their phone hoping to fall asleep soon. Weekend insta-likers are typically on their phones during the same time periods as mentioned above except with one extra slot. If you decide to later-gram that sexy selfie from last night as soon as you wake up, hold your horses babe. Odds are people are still asleep or painfully recovering from their massive hangover. Prime time to post that selfie: 11:00am. We can see insta fame in your future!
RULE#5: The truth behind your like-to-minute ratio.
Even though you think you’re in the clear after hitting that eleventh like, keep a close eye on that little growing number in the top right corner. We are talking about your like-to-minute ratio. If you’re an inexperienced grammer this term refers to the amount of likes you receive in a certain number of minutes. Let’s be brutally honest: if you’ve received only nine likes in 27 minutes, we would suggest removing the post ASAP.
On the contrary, if you have over 40 likes after jsut five minutes, congratulations sweetheart, you are on your way to becoming Instafamous!
We’ve only known you for a little while but my goodness you have grown so much! It’s time to face the Instagram world on your own. Are you mentally prepared for the amount of likes coming your way? Don’t let the fame go to your head! Remember the five steps. Look out @starbucksluvr91…there is a new celeb in town!
Nailed it, ladies!