9 Stages of Purchasing Kylie Lip Kits

We’ve all heard the hype. Here we go again, another celebrity expanding into the business world with a venture to make them all the more rich and famous. Earlier this year, Kylie Jenner - world famous for her fabulous, plump lips - released her first line in her cosmetics company. Since then, Kylie Jenner Lip Kits have been a national sensation. They sell out in minutes and they don’t restock for weeks, so essentially you must get your hands on them as soon as possible. Most recently, on Friday the 25th at 3p.m. standard Pacific time, Kylie graced us with the presence of the plummy purple (don’t worry, I got my hands on it within 2 minutes). If you haven’t experienced the shock and joy of acquiring a Kylie Lip Kit, no worries, we’ve got you covered. The play-by-play goes something like this: 

 

1. Excitement: The primordial stage of the Kylie Lip Kit process. You go on Kylie’s app (which charges you $3 monthly BTW) and you see that there’s going to be a restock or release of these fabulous lipsticks. It’s kind of almost as good as being asked out on a first date: thrill, panic, and lust all at once. Actually, it’s better than getting asked out because it’s perfectly acceptable for the entire event to take place in your bed. 

 

2. Nervousness: “Uh oh, I better set a reminder.” Me, personally? 2 calendar events and 4 alarms every time there is a restock - 5 alarms if its a release of a new color. There’s no way I’m going to miss out on this because of my own flighty brain. Then there’s a whole new level of nerves when you consider the fact that your computer might crash, they’ll sell out before your page refreshes, or your credit card will get declined (because you just bought 4 lip kits like… last week).

 

3. Forgetfulness: It’s an hour before the release and, as predicted, you forgot. Thank god you have you 47 notifications to alert you so you don’t miss out! 

 

4. Insecurity: As the moment approaches, you start to fret that you won’t be able to get your hands on one of these scarce, rare, makeup jewels. Even worse - you’re nervous you won’t be able to pull off the shade. Will I be quick enough? Will I remember my credit card number right? Will it look good on my skin tone? All of my years of exceptional online shopping have been building up to this one moment. 

 

5. Impatience: So it’s 10 minutes until go-time, and you’re not sure what to do with yourself. You know you have to sit in front of your computer and get all ready to go, and more importantly you know you can not move away from your laptop… 

 

6. Anxiety: The moment you’ve been waiting for is finally here, but it’s kind of hard to focus, type, or remember your name while your heart is beating outside your chest.

 

7. Relaxation: YES! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! I can finally breathe… in through your nose, out through your mouth. 

 

8. Regret: Oh boy… $95 for 3 lip kits? Who do I think I am? A Rockefeller? 

 

9. Pure Delight: However, then the lip kits come in, you try them on, and they look FABULOUS. Who do I think I am now? KYLIE FREAKING JENNER!