I first heard about the book, The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter – And How to Make the Most of Them Now while listening to Kelsey Darragh’s podcast, Confidently Insecure. In the episode with Hannah Hart, they strongly recommended reading this book because of how much it spoke to their complaints during their twenties. I owe it to Kelsey and Hannah because everything I’m dealing with as a 22-year-old student gets addressed in some way.
Like it states in the title, The Defining Decade targets individuals in their twenties to teach them why and how the decisions they make are shaping the rest of their lives. The book is written by Dr. Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist who specializes in adult development. Dr. Jay tells the stories of her clients who dealt with tough yet relatable issues in their twenties, then shares her guidance and advice.
One of the first lessons is about amortality, which “has been coined to describe living the same way, at the same pitch, from our teens until death.” This self-help book pushes its readers to recognize we shouldn’t let life make our decisions for us. We should be taking advantage of our twenties by searching for new opportunities and making an effort to try new things.
Dr. Jay divides her book into three parts: work, love and the brain and body. I benefited most from the work portion, partly because the most helpful guidance I took away from The Defining Decade was to improve my identity capital. Dr. Jay defines identity capital as “our collection of personal assets. It is the repertoire of individual resources that we assemble over time. These are the investments we make in ourselves, the things we do well enough, or long enough, that they become a part of who we are.” This doesn’t just have to be degrees, jobs and clubs that are on resumes. Identity capital is also how we present ourselves based on our appearance, communication and problem-solving skills. I learned I need to put effort into myself to feel confident in future jobs and relationships.
Above all, Dr. Jay explains working on your identity capital creates a good story. Without a good story, “resumes are just lists, and lists are not compelling.”
The downside of The Defining Decade is it’s not well written. Among the spelling mistakes and unnecessary repetition, it’s written from the perspective of the author, which limits the reader from understanding what issues her clients are going through. Each chapter begins with one of her clients going off about how nothing in their life is working out. It seems like Dr. Meg Jay exaggerates what her clients say in order to get her point across. However, in doing so, she makes it seem like the twentysomethings that walk through her doors are ignorant and lost.
Based on the reviews, there are mixed feelings and controversy about Dr. Jay’s assumptions about twentysomethings and her high expectations of where they should be in life during their late 20s.
It’s obvious she tries to immerse the reader into the narrative by using imagery, but there are only so many ways to describe a twentysomething crying on the couch. Since the content of the text is excellent, I would have much rather she focused on ways to implement her advice, rather than her tedious conversations with clients.
That being said, I honestly believe Ryerson University students should take Dr. Meg Jay’s guidance into consideration. I’ve realized that when I tell people about this book, their responses are often some variation of, “That’s terrifying.” Twentysomethings, especially students, don’t want to hear how the decisions they’re making now will significantly impact their 30s. However, this book isn’t meant to cause fear; it’s intended to spark motivation.
Ryerson provides countless volunteer opportunities and hosts fascinating events more students should take advantage of. It was after reading The Defining Decade I got the motivation to join Ryerson’s swimming club and become a writer for Her Campus.
Even though all of Dr. Jay’s advice doesn’t apply to every single reader, her persuasive guidance allows the readers to reflect on their lives and think about what they want and what steps they need to take in order to get it.
Dr. Meg Jay also has a TedTalk called, Why 30 is not the new 20. Although she doesn’t discuss every aspect of her book, she pinpoints the main lessons that she believes all twentysomethings should know.