(Disclaimer: All names have been changed)
In case you have no idea who I am, or if this is the first article you’ve read by me, I would first like to say, you’re welcome; this is a fun one. Secondly, I’m a writer (obviously), but along with these articles, I write fiction and poetry. Earlier in 2019, I self-published my collection of poems and wrote about the process.
A friend of mine is on Tinder and had been asking me to download the app for a while now. Finally, I downloaded it as a Christmas present to her. Initially, my friends and I made a video where I let them swipe for me, but I deleted the app two days later. I was over it.
Then I had the brilliant idea to create a poem out of Tinder messages, meaning I would take all the first messages I’d gotten and turned them into a poem.
And here it is: you’re welcome.
Tinder Wrote This
You looked like a Chad™
so I had to swipe.
You would give me the best line.
I just knew it.
And he delivered for sure,
As he told me his meat was halal.
So props to him for being so
culturally aware.
Thank you.
It was so sweet.
And that warm, fuzzy feeling I got
when he said his mom wanted to meet me…
It can’t be replaced.
Wow.
What’s her number?
I would love to call her.
But, no.
Unfortunately,
I don’t wanna make out with you.
It’s okay.
I’d rather not be your feshitized Muslim girl
to experiment with.
Which really sucks ‘cause you were hot.
But you’re a dick.
So no.
And, finally; yes,
it would be haram for you to take me out.
Not because of any religious reason
but because it’s a weird and
awkward question to ask.
And Alex?
Don’t assume I wasn’t born here.
You’re an ass
who guessed South Asain countries
when I said I was Arab.
And asked how long I’ve lived here
for no reason at all.
Pick up a globe.
And why would I still be talking to Wesley
when I was so grossed out by
his second message?
His first was “hoi”
there’s no way I couldn’t reply.
It’s because he listens to Harry Styles
and is so hot there’s no way
he isn’t a catfish.
I just wanna see how long it’ll go.
And he has his sweet moments,
I can’t lie.
But goodbye for now,
you strange, strange app.
I might see you again,
if I need more lines from guys.
And to those I’m still talking to?
Let’s be honest,
it’s just one
and a half, I guess.
But the half went all friendly-ghost on me.
I’m picky, I know.
Please don’t totally suck?
Anyways, what are your weirdest messages on Tinder? Did you meet a Chad™ of your own? Did he ghost you? Did you ghost him?
Update: Wesley ghosted me so we’re not into him anymore.