I graduated high school three years ago, but all the things that I experienced in high school still linger in my mind today. When people ask me about high school, I tend to wave off the question. Being asked about it tends to make me anxious even after all this time has passed. Growing up and watching High School Musical, I thought my experience would be something like that (but without the dancing and singing). Turns out, I and everyone that I’m still friends with from my high school feel the same way.
I didn’t hate high school as much as I do now after leaving. At the time, I couldn’t connect the dots, but I won’t lie, I didn’t have the worst experience. I loved my classmates, but certain people who I allowed to be in my life made school worse. Maybe all of these things are a part of a “normal teenage experience,” but I didn’t feel like I learned much from it. Just that I hate being associated with certain people.
The thing that sucks about having a bad high school experience is that you can’t talk about it with just anyone, as many can’t relate. I’m currently experiencing this with my college friends. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get jealous when they talk about how incredible their experience in school was. I would like to think that it was the lack of opportunities given in my school, for sports and the arts. Sometimes I like to think about what a ‘normal’ experience would’ve given me other than anxiety. I feel bad even trying to explain it to people who can’t understand because I don’t need the pity.
There’s one experience I remember the best. I was at my friend’s birthday, and she invited a few friends and family to celebrate. We were playing Cards Against Humanity when someone asked, “What were you guys like in high school?” The majority of people at the party already knew each other from high school, and I felt this wave of panic consume me. This was the first time anyone asked me about high school in a while, and I didn’t feel like explaining myself. Instead of remembering the things I enjoyed, like the campus, my friends or the food, I was thinking of things that made me hate it the most. Eventually I replied to the question, but I wondered whether anyone noticed me having a panic attack.
There’s a lot of stuff I can complain about, but honestly I am thankful for the friends that experienced the same things. Even writing this article, I’m getting the support of my friends to get it published. They know not only how much it means to me, but also to someone experiencing the same things. They also hope that this article can finally give me the closure I need to be able to move on with my life. Our high school is the butt of our jokes, but we deserved better.
I realized that it’s okay to be upset about stuff not in your control. You can’t always have everything planned, as you’ll meet people that will change some things for you. Those four years made me who I am today, but they don’t define me. I’ve done a lot of growing up within two years to the point where I can’t recognize the timid girl from high school anymore. Even if I could go back in time and tell my younger self the things I know now, that experience would’ve altered my life nonetheless. I’m much happier where I currently am and with the people I’ve surrounded myself with. Even if they cannot understand, they give me their support. I’m grateful for everything, but I’m also pissed. At the end of the day, I can be proud of myself that I didn’t peak too early.
And to anyone reading and resonating with this, feel free to reach out on any of my socials. It’s better to talk about stuff that’s happened, instead of internalizing it.