As humans, we are innately forming bonds through seeking relationships with those around us. But, through change we find ourselves falling in and out of these bonds over time. With each absence we face, the effects take a toll on our mental health, so it becomes arduous to see the good in change and loss. Hopefully, this article can give you a better perspective on how we can grow from the inevitable and cope with moving on, or being moved on from.
The four-letter word LOSS is packed with so much emotion, baggage, and uncertainty. Knowing that someone you were once so close with is going to be living a life separated from you can be hard to accept but we all go through it. Research has found that it takes 11 weeks to start to feel better after someone has left your life, but since each relationship comes with different memories and emotions, the healing process that occurs over that time span is unique and different for everyone. Aside from varying memories and emotions, other factors that may influence the healing process include- but are not limited to: the amount of time spent together, the reason for ending, and shared experiences and dialogue. While there are so many differences in each relationship for individuals, we all have one thing in common, we are not doing this alone.
The saying Love is Blind holds true even for a love that develops for the people we form platonic relationships with, not just romantic ones. We overlook the flaws that others may see in the people we connect with because it is a natural human activity. Based on the responses from my peers, the bulk of people have a harder time accepting when a friendship ends over a romantic relationship, mostly because friendship breakups are unexpected. On the other hand, romantic relationships have some signs that will allow you to have a lead or two. It’s easier to recognize that a romantic partner may have been meant to be but not meant to last and consider that they may have instead been the one for someone else. However, friends are supposed to be there for you no matter what, no matter when, and no matter where you are.
Seeing how change can result in friends outgrowing each other or the decision to take different paths can be hurtful and the void may be difficult to fill, but the next three-pointers can help in the healing process.
First, recognize your worth. Accentuate the positive aspects of your life. The people that have grown to become part of your life and have chosen to stay and do good for you. Then, focus your energy on all of the good things about yourself that make them WANT to stay. Focus on the positive relationships they give you, not the negative ones. If you see yourself having constant problems with someone, or always feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around them- they’re probably not doing anything good for you. Become more assertive and be able to say no to the bad vibes around you. They won’t do anything but drag you down. It may be hard to see during the process, but in the grand scheme of things, why would you want someone in your life that does that? You’re moving forward, so don’t look back.
Next, allow yourself to cope. Come to terms with the reality of losing a friend or a social circle. Reflect on the behaviors that may have caused them to leave and learn from them. Recognize what you do and don’t want in a person and a friendship. With everyone that I have lost in my life in one way or another, I have come to realize that having a smaller circle of friends who all share the same qualities that I value in a person is more important than having a large group of friends and acquaintances. Through the lessons I have learned from each goodbye, I have been gifted with the knowledge on how to open doors to attracting what I value most in life.
Reconnect with yourself. If you were in a toxic relationship, you were most likely still focusing on the “we” aspects of it, instead of the “me.” Look at where you are now. Are you satisfied? If you are, that’s great! If you’re not, take some time to do something that makes you feel good. You never know who else is doing the same thing, maybe you’ll meet friends that will be forever in the process. Connecting with yourself will let you become more self-aware and selective when forming relationships in the future.
Whether we want to believe it or not, your attitudes and commonalities will lead you to the right people and will lead the right people to you. Even if you suffer losses in the process, the ultimate reward of good people in your life will be so gratifying.