You’re Not Behind If You’ve Never Been In a Relationship

Let’s get some things out of the way first:

Not everyone is dating.

Not everyone is hooking up. 

And not everyone wants to. 

But you would never know this by looking at the people on social media when they talk about their newest situationship and how it’s ruining their life… or not. Even when you’re around other people in real life, and conversation turns to the one you dread most of all: romantic relationships. Because you have never been in one. And that’s okay. 

Everyone says college is the time to experiment, learn about what you’re into. They say, “This time will never come back, so take advantage of it: fall in love, do crazy, wild things that you can reminisce on later.” But if you’re not doing any of those things, it can feel like you’re being left behind. 

The Timeline That’s Not Talked About

How many times have you found yourself in a position where someone asks you one of these questions: 

You’ve never dated anyone?

You’re a virgin? 

You’ve never even kissed anyone? 

You need to get on Hinge! 

And the only thing you can do is stand there and mumble a “no”. 

Intimacy does not have a deadline. You are not behind. The important thing is that you do things when you feel comfortable enough to do them, in a safe space. You are not measured by how many people have touched your body or swiped right on your profile. 

Performative Intimacy Is Everywhere

Another important thing to keep in mind is that not everyone is in a relationship for the right reasons- or even because they truly want to be. Sometimes people are in relationships to prove something to themselves or others, like the idea that they can be loved and desired. In some other cases, they might stay in a relationship because they’re scared- of being alone, of starting over, or of facing their insecurities. Just because someone is in a relationship does not automatically mean they’re happy or fulfilled. Appearances can be misleading, and being in a relationship isn’t always a sign of emotional fulfillment. 

There can also be a lot of pressure to date someone, and when you get tired of people asking you the same question over and over again, you just say to yourself, “It doesn’t matter who I date, I just have to date someone.” This is not a good position to be in because you are not in it for the right reasons, and it’s extremely unfair to your partner. There is a performative aspect to intimacy, and it is not talked about enough. And of course, the presence of social media does not make it any better. 

Being single and being inexperienced is not a flaw or an absence in your life. It’s a blessing because you have the privilege of being able to fill that space with reflection, real care, and (when you feel ready), real love. 

There is Nothing Wrong with Waiting 

There is no reason to rush because this is not a race. Whether you’re waiting for the right person, the right time, or the right feeling, it’s valid. You have a right to feel like it’s not time yet, whether it’s because you’re scared, healing, or just not interested. The whole narrative that you have to kiss someone, sleep with someone, or date someone by a certain age is just societal pressure. You are not responsible for living on anyone’s timeline except your own. 

So, if you’re feeling like you’re behind because you see all your friends doing things you haven’t done yet, this is your reminder that your experiences (or lack thereof) are meaningful too. They are not less-than or empty. They are just yours. 

You know the saying: good things come to those who wait- yes, it’s a cliche, but it is true. By waiting, you are wiser and are likely to make more responsible decisions that will make your experience even more valuable and memorable. 

• #dating
• love
• relationships