There is this notion that long distance relationships never work out–especially in college. Personally, I believe that if both of you want to make your relationship work, distance doesn’t mean a thing! Here are some routines that I implement with my long distance boyfriend (who is 500 miles away in North Carolina!), plus some fun extras that I hope will help you make it through!
- Learn each other’s schedules
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Before the school year started, Henry and I went over each others schedules. Doing this allowed us to learn what days will be busier for us, and which days we have more free time. After reviewing our classes, we talked about which days will be a bit harder in terms of communication. For us, the worst day happened to be Monday. Therefore, we discussed what we can do every Monday that will help us stay connected, even though we have busy schedules. On the other hand, we found that Tuesdays are pretty free for the both of us, with our classes starting later– so we call in the morning. Understanding your partner’s schedule promotes better communication, and allows you to find time to talk to one another! It also establishes a routine that allows both of you to connect at the best times, and gives you virtual meet-ups to look forward to every week.
- Prioritize communication
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Being long distance with your SO can be difficult in terms of communication when you two are apart. Prioritizing communication between you and your SO is extremely important as it gives you two and idea of what the other is up to, and to feel connected! Something that Henry and I do is the Locket widget. Locket is an app similar to Snapchat, where you can take photos throughout the day, and they appear on the widget on your SO’s phone! Henry and I love this app as we don’t have to open Snapchat all the time to see eachother! We like to take photos of our faces, and what we are doing. I love opening my phone and seeing Henry right on my Home Screen! I think this app can be especially helpful for communication if you and your SO are in different time zones, as it allows you two a glimpse into each others day to day lives, even if your time zones don’t align! Henry and I have also established rituals in terms of communication, such as good morning and good night texts, and updating eachother when we go out with friends!
- Plan virtual date nights
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Just because you are long distance with your SO, doesn’t mean you can’t have date nights! We both know that in-person date nights are the best, but until we can be with our SO, we have to find some ways to modify them! Henry and I usually discuss what our week looks like on Sunday/Monday, and we find times where we can have a date night even if it’s brief. A date night can stem anywhere from watching a movie on FaceTime, to eating dinner together on the phone! For our more brief date nights, Henry and I like to go on FaceTime (remember how important it is!) and play Minecraft on our Switch, or watch a movie on TeleParty. TeleParty is an awesome, free resource that Henry and I utilize a lot. It allows you and your SO to watch a movie or show at the same time! For our longer date nights, Henry and I block out a night–usually Friday or Saturday–and agree on what food we want and what to watch. Henry and I like to eat the same food/cuisine because it emulates being together at a restaurant! We then eat and usually watch a movie or play a game. There are a bunch of awesome ideas for virtual date nights on Pinterest, Instagram, and Tik Tok, so find an activity that you and your SO will enjoy!
Here’s the link to download Teleparty!
Here’s a link to virtual date night ideas!
- Start PLanning Visits ASAP
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Depending on your distance, sorting out flights and getting tickets or scheduling a drive gives a permanent date for the next time you will see your SO, which makes it feel a lot less disconcerting. Having a visit set in stone in some way– like booking and buying plane tickets– gives you both a day to look forward to that you know will happen. Something I do when Henry and I book a visit is mark it on ALL of my calendars. I like to draw red hearts and exclamation points around the date on my planner so every time I look at it I can smile and become excited! In addition to this, you get to discuss what you and your SO want to do when they visit you, or vice versa! When I visit Henry at UNC, I have a favorite coffee shop on campus that we always go to, so I anticipate that. Here at Rutgers, Henry loves walking around Vorhees Mall, so we always take a stroll when he comes up here. You’re bound to find some fun activities in the area around where you both reside; just do some research!
- Fun Extras
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Henry and I have been long distance for our entire relationship. In high school, Henry lived in Asheville and I lived in Charlotte, so even though we could drive, we were still two hours away. Since I have a few years of experience, here is a list of extra activities that Henry and I engage in frequently to inspire you!
- Letters: I love writing Henry letters and cards throughout the month! You can find cute, cheap cards at the dollar store or Target, or even make your own. I have cute cards I have collected for occasions like anniversaries and holidays that I fill out and send, and I also write short letters myself! If you are crafty like me, you can add drawings and stickers inside these letters, and decorate the envelopes before you send them :) Since everything is digital these days, sending handwritten letters hold extra meaning and love!
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- Care Packages: If you can’t tell, one of my love languages is gift giving. Therefore, Henry and I love to send each other care packages every once in a while. These packages can range from a letter and some candy, to an item your SO has on their wish list. At the Rutgers post office, you can get a flat-rate envelope or box for free, which you can pack with whatever you want and create a label for on the USPS website! Inside care packages, I like to include letters, little crochet items, trinkets from Rutgers, and Henry’s favorite snacks. Henry likes to send me money for coffee and a treat, which isn’t technically a “package”, but still counts as a sweet gesture to let me know he’s thinking of me. Henry also likes to order me things that I mention I want in passing– recently, it was sea moss supplements! If you pick up on any hints from your partner, definitely keep them in mind as gifting tips!
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- Shared activities: Something that Henry and I always look forward to as a long distance couple are activities we can do together while physically apart. Before college, we both bought a Nintendo Switch to play games on together! We enjoy playing co-op games like Stardew Valley and Minecraft. A shared activity doesn’t have to cost as much as a Switch, either! Henry and I purchase the same mini Lego sets and build them together on FaceTime, or simply do the same activity while on the phone such as homework. Doing the same activity while apart is a way, I feel, to be connected with your SO and feel like you are right there next to them :)
- Mental Wellbeing
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Long distance relationships are difficult because you miss the other person, of course, but they can also be hard on your mental health. It is so vital to check on your out-of-relationship, personal brain. Missing your SO, or worrying about your relationship, can induce anxiety or sadness. Therefore, prioritizing your mental health is pivotal to your personal, long-term wellbeing, which in turn helps you become a better partner in your relationship! Something that I do in this realm is to maintain my social life outside of my SO. It’s so important to continue to go out with friends, keep up on hobbies, and pay attention how *you* are feeling in your relationship. Remember these two things: there is nothing to be worried about with your partner (and if you are sad or anxious, communicate that with them!). Two: you’re your own person, too! Go out with your girlfriends, make time for your favorite things— keeping your mental health at its best will help you become a better version of yourself, and also a better partner for your SO!
I hope after reading these tips you learn that long-distance relationships really are possible when both parties put the effort in. If you are debating continuing a relationship because it will soon be stretching over a large distance, I hope this article encourages you to give it a try. Being long-distance isn’t a chore, and doesn’t take away your “college experience.” If anything, being in my relationship with Henry has only enhanced my time here at Rutgers. If you are reading this in a long-distance relationship already, try implementing these ideas! They truly are a game-changer and have helped strengthen Henry and I’s bond.
All the best, RJ
“Love is not just being with someone. Love is feeling someone even if miles separate you.”
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