Whenever I tell people I’m an introvert, they often automatically see it as a bad thing. The word introvert is usually associated with being antisocial, shy, or quiet. While this can be true to an extent, an introvert is simply anyone who tends to be more focused on internal thoughts and feels more energized by being alone. This is different from extroverts, who tend to prefer action and get energized by large groups of people.
This doesn’t mean that all introverts are extremely shy and always isolated in their rooms. More importantly, this doesn’t mean that being an introvert is bad. In fact, some of the most important figures in history were introverts. According to the New York Times, former president Barack Obama would spend most of his nights alone in his private office. Whether he was working on speeches, reading briefing papers, or even playing Words with Friends on his iPad, President Obama used his alone time to get his thoughts together and recharge.
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As for me, I have always known that I was an introvert. I was really quiet in school, and would never raise my hand under any circumstances. I spent most of my time by myself, whether it was playing the piano, writing, or just taking a walk. Even though I was alone, I never felt lonely. The truth was that even though I liked hanging out with my small group of friends, there was a comfort in being alone with nothing but your own thoughts to accompany you. My parents thought it was a bad thing though. They thought that being quiet meant not being successful in both life and the workplace. I was forced to join the debate team, and I remember never speaking the first year I did it. I would sit in the back for an hour every week at meetings, listening to people talk but never contributing my own opinion. Even now in college, it seems like the only thing people wanted to do on the weekends is party.
It’s hard to love yourself when it seems like you can’t be heard or seen unless you’re loud enough and outgoing enough.
However, a few years ago, I read a really powerful book that changed my life and how I saw my introversion: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I learned that introverts listen more than talk, write better than they speak, and can still make a huge impact on the world. Introverts also typically described themselves as creative and intuitive, which I felt definitely described who I was.
Ever since reading the book, I shifted the way I approached things. I was trying to fit myself into the box of an extrovert when I should have been making my own box instead. I wasn’t one for debate, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t have a voice.
I found my voice in writing, which is why I joined Her Campus Rutgers and the college newspaper, The Daily Targum. I also discovered that I preferred speaking to people one on one, instead of in a huge group or at a party. This summer, I became a lot closer to people by going out for coffee or frozen yogurt. It was a lot simpler, but I actually enjoyed just talking to one person and really getting to know them on a deeper level.
Of course, I’m still learning to love myself even to this day, but now I’m no longer ashamed of myself for preferring to be alone sometimes. I’m still social and I still go out occasionally, but I balance it out with also taking the time to just be alone. My advice to anyone else who feels this way is to stay true to yourself, and don’t feel pressured to fit into a mold just because it seems more appealing.
As Susan Cain puts it in her book, “the secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some, it’s a Broadway spotlight; for others, a lamp-lit desk. Use your natural powers — of persistence, concentration, and insight — to do work you love and work that matters. Solve problems. make art, think deeply.”