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Are you down bad? Here is a list of dos and don’ts

Being “down bad” is a painful sensation we have all experienced. In most cases, when this is the word you or others use to describe your feelings for another person, it usually means it is one-sided. For those of you who do not know, being “down bad” refers to having a longing crush for someone you would do about anything to get their attention. I have, without a doubt, been there, and so have most people at this point in their lives. Although it may seem horrible, there are many ways to manage your feelings of being “down bad” for someone. We also adapt many toxic behaviors when we are “down bad” that are important to avoid. Most important when experiencing this is to be realistic and remember your worth. No matter what, if he/she is not giving you the time of day, they are more than likely not worth your time. 

Do try to move on 

Crushes are fun, let’s be honest. It is fun to have lighthearted romantic feelings for someone and enjoy the “chase”. However, holding onto feelings that are not reciprocated is unhealthy and will ultimately leave you feeling miserable. You need to move on, as annoying as it is to hear this. You can still be friends with the person but maybe try and distance yourself from them to get over your romantic feelings. Once you do move on, and I can say this from experience, you will enjoy that person’s company a lot more because you will not constantly be getting hurt because they do not reciprocate the feelings. 

Do NOT stalk 

I know it is tempting to look on their Instagram page or check their snap score to see why they are not responding to you. But honestly, none of this will make you feel any better. All this will do is make you feel more attracted to the person and desire their attention. This is a slippery slope and it is best to stay away from it. 

Do talk to other people 

It is essential to keep your options open and not limit yourself to this one person. When talking to more than one person, you are not focusing on one specific person. This makes it easier for you to gauge if they are really into you or not. If they are interested in you, talking to other people allows you to figure out if they are worth dating or not. If they are not into you, you have other people you can get to know better and do not need to feel limited. 

Do NOT try to make them like you 

If someone likes you, they will appreciate you for who you are. If they do not want you, it is not necessarily your fault. It just means that they do not see you as a potential romantic partner — that is okay. Whatever you do, never try to change yourself to fit what someone else’s ideal partner is. Once someone has their mind made up, it is unlikely you will be able to change it anyways. Stay true to yourself and do not try to fit their taste; understand how they feel and evaluate whether they even suit your tastes or not. 

DO work on establishing your independence 

Focus on yourself above all else. What matters most in relationships is being independent and living without another person. When you are “down bad,” it can be easy to lose your sense of independence as you work tirelessly to please someone else. It is important to remember you are an independent person and are perfectly capable of living without the other. Once you focus more on yourself, you will not feel as inclined to obsess over the other person and hopefully stop being “down bad.” 

DO NOT think self-degrading thoughts 

To put it bluntly, it straight up sucks when your crush doesn’t like you back. Especially when you like them a lot. However, there is no use thinking bad thoughts about yourself. You are fantastic and if someone isn’t attracted to you, it is usually not even your fault but a matter of personal preferences. Eventually, you will find someone who thinks you are as extraordinary as you are! 

Having crushes is all fun and games until it gets too severe. Stay true to yourself and remember your worth overall! 

Julia Fuchs

Rutgers '22

Julia is a senior at Rutgers School of Arts and Sciences. Academically, she is interested in Egyptian archaeology and art history. Outside of classes Julia loves fashion, coffee, art, music and is a dedicated feminist! Her Campus is a way for her to combine all of her interests in a journalistic setting, and an organization she loves being a part of!
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