I moved around a lot as a kid. The process was always strange to me no matter how much I experienced it. My mother would give me a pep talk before loading me on the bus or dropping me off at my new school. She’d tell me to, “Keep my chin up and be myself.” and I’d be left alone in a hallway that would take weeks for me to recognize.
You’d think that making friends would come easy to me after moving around a lot. But, it’s not always the case. Sometimes people would be accommodating and welcome the new kid. Other times cliques were already formed and there wasn’t room for one more.
When I was told that I’d move for the last time in middle school I was excited. I always wanted to have a group of close-knit friends to hang out with. I thought that this dream would finally come true and I’d find my place in the world.
That’s when the bullying started.
I know it’s cliche but getting bullied sets you up for life. Some days I feel like I’m the same middle school girl in a slightly different, bigger body. I could often be found eating lunch in the nurse’s office, the bathroom, or alone at the cafeteria table. Nobody has pity for the weird girl. Every once in a while I would shuffle to a new table but the loneliness felt the same. In a lot of ways, it was worse than moving around as a kid. It wasn’t just that I didn’t have any friends. I had people who actively disliked me and made it a point to tell me so.
In high school, I finally became well-liked. I took in any friend that could have me. I didn’t realize that I deserved to be choosy when it came to the people I surrounded myself with. Nobody has it all together in high school. But, I wish that I made more of an effort to spend more time with the people who valued me as a person more than a punch line.
This trend continued into college and I became friends with people who didn’t deserve my time. I thought that I was an awful judge of character and was disappointed in myself for making the same mistakes over and over and over again. It wasn’t until recently that I decided that I deserved to be selective with the people that I decided to surround myself with.
And it’s been amazing. For the first time in my life, I’m spending a lot of time by myself and with people who value me as a person. I understand that I used to be afraid to be alone so I surrounded myself with bad company. The people that I hang around with now show me that I deserve to spend more time with people who like and respect me as a person.
One of my favorite things about being a kid that moved around a lot and happened to be bullied is that I appreciate the little things. I used to think that the giddiness of planning outings with people would wear off but it never did. I realized that having good relationships with my friends meant a lot to me. A lot of people take friendships for granted but I’m convinced that I’ll never be that type of person. I’ve been alone for too long to do that.
So for this Valentine’s day although I’ll be socially distant from a lot of my friends I’ll be mindful to be grateful for them. They deserve it.