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Why I Decided to Embrace my Inner B*tch

Disclaimer-I censor the word “b*tch” because, although I’ve reclaimed the word b*tch I acknowledge that it’s a curse word that I don’t want cursing to be associated with my brand.

  • When people talk over me I promptly stop talking and wait for the other person to finish.
  • When someone shoots down my idea I nod my head and listen to the reasons why I’m wrong.
  • When someone calls me by the wrong name I laugh it off.
  • When someone constantly confuses me with the other brown girl in my vicinity I silently seethe. I do not say anything.
  • If someone continually calls me by the wrong name I adopt the new name. It’s not worth the fight.
  • I don’t stick up for myself. Ever.

Sounds like you? I like millions of other women were taught to be passive in nature. Good girls don’t put up a fuss after all. I used to think that passivity was a sign of being a classy young woman. What was the point of putting up a scene? What was the point of constantly fighting tooth and nail for every little thing.

Society praises the young woman who is able to hold their tongue. Growing up I learned how to hate the woman who fights for herself. In teen movies, the nice girl bides her time and waits to be rewarded for her passivity while the aggressive woman is denied a happy ever after. Nobody likes a b*tch. Nobody wants to be a b*tch.

But I do.

As a feminist, I reclaimed the word b*tch a long time ago. I refuse to use the word in a derogatory way and often find myself defending women called a b*tch. But, I still haven’t allowed myself to embody the characteristics of being a b*tch. In my head, I still want to be the embodiment of a “good girl” despite the fact that I’ve rejected the misogynistic term years ago. It’s hard to escape internalized misogyny but, part of freeing myself is to learn how to become the dreaded b*tch. Think about it. What is a b*tch? It’s someone who:

  • Speaks their mind.
  • Stands up to men. Who tells men exactly what they think and doesn’t sugar coat things because they are talking to a man.
  • Calls people out for making them feel uncomfortable.
  • Puts their career or other nonromantic and nonmaternal values first.
  • Who doesn’t worry about what people think.
  • Who sticks up for herself.

I admire the b*tch for her ability to do what she wants despite what is expected of her. She’s the embodiment of a strong woman–someone who does what she wants when she wants despite what anyone else wants. Until a little bit ago I was afraid of being the archetypal b*tch. But, now I’m actively trying to be one. B*tchs run the world after all.

Destiny is currently enrolled in Columbia University's MFA Writing program. She is a national writer at Her Campus and the former editor-in-chief of Her Campus Rowan. She likes thrifting, romance novels, cooking shows, and can often be found binging documentaries.