At some point in life, every girl has to learn that choosing herself is not selfish. Whether it’s ending a relationship that no longer makes her happy, distancing herself from friendships that feel one sided, or simply taking a step back to focus on her own happiness, putting yourself first is one of the most important lessons you can learn. Especially in college, when it feels like everyone is figuring out their lives, relationships, and friendships, it’s easy to forget about the one person who should always come first: you.
As college girls, we sometimes put so much energy into making other people happy that we forget to ask ourselves if we are actually happy. We worry about whether our friends are upset with us, whether a guy likes us, or whether we are doing enough to fit in. We say yes to plans when we really want to stay in, ignore our feelings to avoid conflict, and hold on to people simply because we are scared of losing them. Before we know it, we are putting everyone else’s needs before our own.
But here’s the thing: you cannot build a happy life by constantly ignoring what you need.
Choosing yourself means realizing that your happiness matters, too. It means understanding that you don’t have to keep explaining yourself to people who refuse to understand you. It means recognizing when a friendship is no longer healthy, when a relationship is taking more than it gives, or when you simply need time alone to recharge. You are allowed to change your mind, set boundaries, and walk away from situations that no longer feel right for you.
And let’s be honest, choosing yourself is not always easy. Sometimes it means missing someone you know is not good for you. Sometimes it means watching people move on without you. Other times, it means spending a Friday night at home while everyone else is going out, reminding yourself that you do not need to be everywhere or do everything to have a good college experience. It can feel uncomfortable at first, especially when you are used to making sure everyone around you is happy. But being uncomfortable does not mean you are making the wrong decision.
College is also the perfect time to figure out who you are outside of other people’s opinions. You are meeting new people, experiencing new things, and learning what makes you happy. You do not need to have your entire life planned out, and you certainly do not need to change yourself to fit into someone else’s expectations. Try new hobbies, spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself, go to the gym because it makes you feel strong, or have a night dedicated to doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes, the smallest things can remind you that you are capable of creating happiness for yourself.
Another important part of choosing yourself is understanding that you cannot make everyone like you. No matter how kind, helpful, or understanding you are, someone might still misunderstand you or disagree with your decisions. And that is okay. You do not need to prove your worth to everyone you meet. The people who genuinely care about you will not expect you to abandon yourself just to keep them around.
This does not mean you should stop caring about other people. Friendships, relationships, and family are important, and some of the best parts of life come from loving and supporting others. The goal is to create relationships where that love and support go both ways. You deserve people who celebrate your accomplishments, listen when you are struggling, respect your boundaries, and make you feel like you can be yourself without fear of judgment.
Most importantly, choosing yourself is not a one-time decision. It is something you practice every day. It is choosing to get out of bed and try again after a difficult week. It is forgiving yourself for mistakes instead of constantly criticizing yourself. It is recognizing that your past does not determine your future. And it is learning to give yourself the same patience, understanding, and love that you so easily give to everyone else.
So, if you have been waiting for a sign to put yourself first, let this be it. You are allowed to outgrow people, change your priorities, protect your peace, and start over. You are allowed to want more for yourself without feeling guilty about it.
At the end of the day, you are the person who has to live with your choices, your happiness, and your future. Make decisions that the version of yourself you are becoming will thank you for. Stop settling for things that leave you feeling empty just because they are familiar, and stop shrinking yourself to make other people comfortable.
You can love other people deeply without losing yourself in the process. Choosing yourself does not mean you love everyone else any less. It means you are finally learning to give yourself some of that love, too.
And honestly, that might be one of the best things you can do for yourself in your college years and beyond.