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Sammi Says: A Changed Friendship

Dear Sammi,

I have had the same best friend since pre-school—maybe even before that. But ever since we went to separate colleges, she’s been acting different. All she wants to do is party and break the rules, whereas I’m more focused on school and work. She says I’m not exciting or fun anymore, which hurts coming from her. I never thought I’d have to get drunk to have fun every time we see each other. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy going out and meeting new people, but I have realistic things to worry about while she has everything handed to her. What should I do? I don’t even enjoy her company anymore…



Dear Changed,

This is a common argument in many friendships, especially at this age. I know I have gone through it and many of my friends have as well. The first thing you need to do is know that you are living your life maturely; that doesn’t make you boring or less exciting. Perhaps you just grew up a little quicker than she did. It doesn’t make her a bad person, but it doesn’t give her the right to talk down to you.

If you feel that your friendship is still important to you, then you should be completely honest with her, without attacking or accusing her of anything. Simply tell her how stressed you’ve been with your responsibilities, how you’d love to see her to catch up and go for a drive as opposed to going out. See how she reacts. Make sure she knows you’re trying and you care.

If that doesn’t work and she retaliates, know that you tried and distance yourself from her for a while. Let her grow on her own. Friendships go through phases, and you never know how things will work out in the future. I lost a close friend all throughout high school, and now we are inseparable again in college, despite the fact that we attend different schools. Just stay true to yourself and let the rest go.


I am a Writing Arts major at Rowan University. Poetry is my best friend. One day, I hope to be a successful writer for a popular magazine in NYC. My dream is to travel to Paris, London, and Rome to explore and write about my experiences there.
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