Lessons from a Bad Week

I believe that if you listen hard enough the universe will speak to you. Not literally of course. But I do believe that the universe is constantly giving people signs. My mama once told me that some signs are pleasant and others are “rude awakenings”. Sometimes the universe gives you a dream that helps you make an important decision. Other times the universe practically drags you by the hair into making a difficult decision.

Whether bitter or sweet the universe has a certain way of pushing you towards a certain decision. Before you realize it you’ve roughed the tides of making a choice and sticking towards it. Your life has changed in a big little way.

I’ve had a really bad week. It’s a little melodramatic but I realized that a lot of things in my life are starting to be clear to me. Uncomfortably clear. I realized that a really good friend of mine isn’t who I thought they were. And I realized that I’ve known for a long time but, I’ve been afraid to let go. I’ve realized that my priorities in life are askew. That everything is a little too much lately. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin because everyone wants something from me and I don’t have enough to give. It’s the strangest thing though. Some parts of my life feel like it’s not enough. It’s so weird not having your footing in the world. It’s a little scary. A little hopeful. A little confusing.

One time when I was in high school I got into an argument with a then good friend. As we were going back and forth about I’m not even sure what she told me, “I hate that you’re one of those people who complain about things and do nothing about it.”. That shut me up. It really stung. Partly because it was true. I would let things happen and passively accept them. Slowly, I tried to take my fate into my own hands. Sometimes it wouldn’t work out. But there’s always something nice about not settling. From then on I always asked, “Is there another way?”.

And now, after a life-changing week I ask again, “Is there another way”. According to the universe, there has to be. Because forces out of my control are wreaking my life. And the only way to take control is to make a change. A terrifying change. But a necessary one nonetheless.