You know they have sex, and then afterward they feel nothing.
In my latest deep dive into a new television binge, I decided to watch Sex and the City. And so, in this memorable first episode, our main protagonist, Carrie Bradshaw engages in oral sex with a former lover; except this time, she doesn’t reciprocate the act. This is where her idea of “having sex like a man” comes into play- basically meaning that there are no strings attached, no favors to be had, and, quite frankly, no bullshit.
Nobel Prize winner Doris Lessing wrote on the subject of sexual freedom in her book The Golden Notebook.
“Free, we say, yet the truth is they get erections when they’re with a woman they don’t give a damn about, but we don’t have an orgasm unless we love him. What’s free about that?” (via Today article).
And while this book was written in the 1960s, and this show aired 30 years later in the 90s, I wondered as a Gen Z-er: Do women really feel empowered by having unplanned, emotionless sex?
Hint: The answer is a big HELL yes.
Do we need an emotional connection to feel the euphoria of orgasm?
Another hint: This one’s a big HELL no. Let’s dive into it.
It is the age of hookups – you’ve done it. I’ve done it. Yes, I’m looking at you 18-year-old, walking down the middle of a city street at 6am on November 1st in a Halloween costume and heels with your makeup smeared across your face….
Anyways, hookup culture is not something that’s new – in fact, it’s been around since the 1920s; however, women were slut-shamed regularly for quite some time. Nowadays, many women have reclaimed their sexuality, and find that hooking up (*cough* having sex like a man), is empowering. What was once labeled as taboo and inappropriate is now being promoted by feminists across the globe. From that same 18-year-old I mentioned before (totally not me, btw), to porn stars, sex liberates women, and will inspire generations to come. The days of degrading names and the expectation to have sex only for procreation are slowly coming to a halt all thanks to this sexual freedom.
Bringing emotions into play, I’ll just be frank. Emotions suck. But, hookup culture has allowed a broad majority of women to understand what they need to be loved, and in a sense learn what they need to protect themselves from in terms of loving and being loved.
Sex allows us all as human beings to feel liberated – including women. Hookup culture allows for the old heteronormative double-standards of “having sex like a man” to be broken, and rather, create a more inclusive attitude for women having meaningless sexual encounters. There is NOTHING wrong with a woman having or wanting a casual encounter. Instead, it is time we embrace female sexuality, and instead deem it having sex “like a woman.”