Going into my college years, I thought it was going to be a completely different experience friendship-wise. I believed that everyone would suddenly be mature and emotionally aware enough to avoid petty arguments or spreading rumors. Wow, was I wrong. For a long time, I thought maybe it was just a fluke, but unfortunately I figured out very fast that you can experience toxic friendships at all ages. Here are a few things I’d suggest doing if you think you might be dealing with a toxic friendship:
1. Try to Recognize Patterns
In my experience, there are certain signs and patterns to look for in a toxic friendship. One of the biggest signs is feeling mentally drained or tired after spending time with them. If, after hanging out with a friend, you feel emotionally or mentally exhausted, that may be a sign they’re not the right fit for you.
Spending time with friends should feel reenergizing and fun, it shouldn’t feel like a weight on your shoulders.
Another red flag is if the friend only reaches out when they have a problem or need advice. A healthy friendship is a two-way street. Friends should check in on you, make plans with you, and show that they care, not just come to you when they need something.
You might also notice that they constantly try to compete with you rather than being genuinely proud of your success. Your friends should be your support system. They’re supposed to celebrate your wins and comfort you through your losses. If you share an accomplishment and they try to one-up you or downplay it, that’s a sign they might not be a true friend.
2. Take Time to Reflect on the Issue
If you recognize these patterns in your friendship, take some time to reflect on them and think about what might be causing them. Are these behaviors happening in specific environments? Is your friend going through something, like a toxic situation or relationship, that might be influencing their behavior? Are they struggling with their mental health?
These are all important questions to ask yourself once you’ve identified the patterns above. Also, reflect on your own actions toward them. Are you checking in on them? Are you being supportive and kind? Taking an honest look at both sides of the friendship can help you reach healthy conclusions and recognize areas where you might also grow.
3. Have an open Conversation with Them
After reflecting, try to have an open and honest conversation about your concerns. Be kind and show that you’re coming from a place of care, not criticism. They may not realize that their behavior is affecting you and they might even want to make a change.
Depending on how they respond, you can decide what feels best for you moving forward.
4. Put Your Mental and Emotional Well-Being First
Ultimately, remember to prioritize your own mental and emotional health. If a friendship is no longer serving you, it’s okay to step away. Sometimes letting go is the healthiest and most self-loving thing you can do.