On a scale from 1-10, how often do you intentionally forget to say something to someone; in other words, you don’t say something to someone because you’re afraid? That’s really a hard question to answer because some of you would admit to doing it while others wouldn’t. In my general opinion, I would actually say give human kind in general an 8 or 9 (I can’t really say 10 because there are things that HAVE to be said). Again, the reason for this is probably because we’re too afraid to because we think about how wrong things can go. Silence is the loudest sound that human kind can ever hear! (Cue “Sound of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel/Disturbed) Here are x phrases that people intentionally don’t say to others.
1. “I like you”- I mean OF COURSE this one would be on the list! A lot of people don’t say this to someone because they’re afraid of the humiliation and rejection this one brings. No one wants their crush to laugh at them or send them to the friend-zone, and the fact that you could become the laughing stock of his or her friends doesn’t make it any better. It also could cause a wound in any relationship you could ever have with the other person.
If you really like the person, go for it! I’m sure if you really like that person, it’s for who they are, and that is the deepest kind of connection you can have with someone. If you want to say this to a person, make sure that they understand what it’s like to like someone and won’t hurt you if feelings aren’t mutual. Besides, if the person is making you that nervous that you can’t communicate that you like him or her, they’re probably not worth it. The right person is someone who doesn’t intimidate you or make you feel afraid at all.
2. The first “I love you”- Here’s another obvious one. The context in which I’m talking about this one is that you’re in a new relationship, and not to family, friends, or longer relationships because those “I love yous” I believe are things we truly forget to say rather than intentionally not saying it. When you’re in a new relationship, you realize the feelings you have for another person are getting serious and you like each other more than ever before. A lot of times people are scared to say the first “I love you” because they don’t know if the other person feels that same attraction, and they don’t want to seem like they are moving the relationship too fast or saying it just sounds creepy.
If you love someone, just say it! If you’ve been getting really close with someone else, chances are they probably feel it too. This one is a risk taker because to me if you really mean it you have to say. If the other person winds up not feeling that way, you will probably get hurt. At the same time, that person probably wasn’t worth it to begin with if they aren’t returning your love.
3. “Will you go out with me”- This is not the same thing as “I like you” because you’re not actually confessing any feelings to someone else. You’re just asking someone out to get to know them because you find them attractive, and you want to see where it goes. A lot of people really choke on this one because the thought of the mysterious stranger/friend humiliating you for wanting to go out sometime is scary.
This is a harder one because it’s hard to tell whether “just go for it” or “if you’re that nervous, don’t do it” is the correct answer. I think it’s definitely important to ask for background on the person. I’m sure that someone from work, school, or wherever you know the person from has it. If they seem like a nice person from what everyone told you, they probably are a nice person and understand what it’s like to want somebody to ask them out. In fact, they’ll probably be flattered that you were admiring them from afar. On the other hand, if you hear horror stories about this person, it is probably best not to do it. To add, they probably are the person that would intimidate you, and if they intimidate you, don’t go for it!
4. “I’m really disappointed/upset with you”- This one is a never-ending fight because the response is normally “what do you mean you’re upset with me?” or “I don’t see what I did wrong.” Even worse, “I feel hurt that you would say that about me” or the classic putting the shoe on the other foot. It is the fear of these responses that cause people to leave this unsaid.
If something is bothering, you just say it! The longer you put it off, the more the family member/friend/significant other is going to continue to hurt you with this disappointment. The longer you don’t tell someone that they’re just letting you down, the more it’s going to eat you up inside, and the more the disappointment is going to occur. There is a way to have this discussion civilly; you two would just sit down and talk, the other person listens, they apologize and everything’s alright. If by any chance a fight breaks out, just try to calm the other person down and address that you have two different points of view and explain how it hurt you. If this ends the way it’s supposed to, you two will have made up. If not, then give that person time to understand your point of view, and if they can’t, then they’re probably the kind of person who doesn’t understand you and you probably shouldn’t be around them.
5. “Our friendship/relationship is falling apart, and I want to fix it”- How DO you say this to someone? There are a lot of fears that come with this one: denial from the person, the other just not caring, and the other person telling you that you weren’t that close to begin with. The fear associated with this one eats A LOT of people up inside because just when things seemed great, things are falling apart right in front of their very eyes, and wondering if the other person even cares anymore hurts A LOT!
I think this one is absolutely the hardest one to cover. The question seems to be do you say it or not because it is one of the hardest things to say. If something’s wrong, two people should work together to fix it. At the same time, if something’s falling apart, maybe it should be accepted. I think a final answer to this question is that if it’s a family member or significant other, then you should talk about it. The reason that I say this for these two cases is because family is blood and depending how close you were, you don’t want to lose that closeness because if anyone is going to look out for you, it’s your family. The reason I say this for a significant other is because if a relationship is ultimately falling apart, it needs to be addressed and determined whether or not the relationship has hope. If it has no hope, it needs to end. As for friends, it needs to be accepted that you’re just growing apart. I know this isn’t necessarily an ideal answer to the question, but if you two are letting your friendship fall apart, then you were probably never that close to begin with and there is no reason to say anything about it. Again, if saying this to your friend makes you nervous, there’s no reason to say. However, if it’s a best friend, it should probably be addressed because you don’t want to lose your partner in crime who is just as much family as actual family. As I said, if the thought of any of these make you nervous, you probably should walk away from the situation. Who knows? Maybe you’ll meet again in circumstances that you can become friends and find out how to make it work in the way it didn’t work before, but if it is bad currently, let it go.
Cover photo courtesy of http://www.arasulazar.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Silence-noise-outsi…