I grew up constantly surrounded by idealistic Disney Channel relationships in which the platonic guy friend always ends up “cuffing” the relatable teenage girl character. This overplayed narrative has preached to us one toxic, tricky, and disappointing lie- that you can never be friends with a guy. The reality is, the opposite is true. The healthiest, most supportive, and oftentimes most genuine bonds are made between a guy and a girl who have absolutely no attraction for one another. That was not the case for my best guy friend and I.
When you make the decision to cross the line from friend-zone to flirtation and notice yourself developing feelings for someone who’s practically a brother to you, it’s hard to push off the guilt.
Once the idea of being romantic with my guy friend entered my mind, there was no shaking it off. It can be hard to change the way you view someone when you spend every day together, and it’s even harder to hide these feelings when your begins to look more more like the heart-eye emoji whenever he’s around.
I’m not sure if my feelings developed because of how much time we spent together, or if they were buried under the surface all along, just waiting to come out and destroy the innocent friendship we had built. Either way, the excessive amount of time we spent together didn’t help my situation. Ultimately, I pushed so hard to thin the line between friends and “something more”, that I succeeded. And if I had known that it would cost me the healthy, fun and normal relationship I had with him, I would have thought twice about that decision.
After months of reflection and complicated conversations that I wish I didn’t have to have, I realized that the most important thing is to forgive your own guilt. You can’t blame yourself for something that two people made the decision to do together, and you certainly can’t blame yourself for any bridges burned in the process.
If you’re like me, and you simply can’t resist any longer and just have to know what it would be like, then expect for things to be different between the two of you. He took me out, we went on drives, and I even stayed at his vacation home- but at the end of the day, not everyone gets the picture perfect Taylor Swift music video ending. I was chasing that stereotypical friend-turned-boyfriend love story, and didn’t know where to find it. It’s comforting to have a boy feel so close to you, but just because he understands you doesn’t mean the romantic feelings are mutual. When a guy sees you as a “bro”, he ends up sending mixed signals that lead you on. So, when you’re feeling temptation, think of this first: if you can’t trust boys to treat you right, what would be different about your guy friend?