Everyone always talks about the red flags in our relationships and what to avoid, but what about the red flags in our friendships? Not only can your romantic relationships be one-sided, but so can your friendships. I have had a handful of female friendships that have just never worked out. Looking back, I realized that there were clear signs from the beginning, but I overlooked them because red flags in friendships were never really talked about. Instead of addressing the issue or cutting the person off, I found myself justifying their behavior and brushing it aside because, after all, we’re friends, right?
The truth is, sometimes our friends are not our friends at all. In fact, they may be the ones who make us feel worse about ourselves, whether it’s through constant competition, manipulation, or defying our trust. This is why, just like in relationships, friendships need healthy boundaries too. It is important to recognize when a friendship no longer contributes to your well-being, and when the other person does not have your best interest at heart.
Here are some of the red flags I have encountered in female friendships that you might want to look out for:
Lowkey copying everything you do
Admiring someone’s style and wanting to match every once in a while is one thing, but constantly copying your slang, style, and trying to be you is a whole other thing. At this point she’s not trying to be your friend, she’s trying to be you. This may stem from jealousy or trying to compete with you to “outshine” you.
Constant competition
As friends, it should never feel like there is a competition between you two. If you find yourself constantly comparing and competing with each other over things like social media, appearance, guys, etc. then something’s definitely off. True friends should not be trying to one-up you. As friends, you should both be able to celebrate each other’s success without feeling threatened.
Talking behind your back
This one is a given, but if she’s talking behind your back, she’s definitely not your friend. The problem is, you really have no way of knowing unless someone tells you. If you are unsure if your friend is talking about you behind your back, think about the type of person she is. If she constantly gossips about others, you might be thinking “well, at least it’s not about me.” But there’s a good chance that if she’s talking about other people who are supposedly her friends, she’s talking about you too.
Making you feel excluded
It’s completely normal and expected for your friends to have other friends, but it starts to cross the line when you always feel left out. If you have a friend who always hangs out with her other friends, and she rarely makes plans with you then it may be time to take a step back. Just like relationships, friendships require both people involved to make an effort.
This often happens in trios where one person feels excluded. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the other two people aren’t your friends, but it can mean that you may need to reevaluate how close you guys actually are.
Only reaching out when they need something
This is the definition of a one-sided friendship. If she always expects you to be there for her but is never there when you need something, whether it’s a favor or emotional support, then you need to cut her off. That’s not a friend, that’s a parasite.
Friendships go both ways, and in no way shape or form should they be emotionally draining.
Playing the victim
It can be exhausting when a friend can never take accountability for their actions, and instead constantly plays the victim. These types of friends will make you feel guilty for things that aren’t even your fault which is a form of manipulation. It’s definitely time to distance yourself.
Becomes best friends with the girl who stole your boyfriend
This one is definitely personal… I actually cannot get past this. This girl used to hate me because she wanted my boyfriend, and I confided in my girl best friend of 6 years at the time about it. We would talk about how insane the situation was until one day my girl best friend and the girl who hated me started getting closer. I don’t even know how it happened, but all I know is that they became besties, my boyfriend and I broke up, and I had cut her off. It went from her defending me, to them hanging out almost every day of the week…
Eventually, karma, as it always does, came back around and the same girl who hated me ended up spreading rumors about my ex-bsf.
Boy crazy
I feel as though this is the biggest red flag. Girls who constantly make it their mission to embarrass you in front of the opposite sex. These types of people will try and bring up embarrassing stories about you or even make up things to say that make you look bad so that they can look good. It actually blows my mind that people do this. If someone you know does this, she is definitely not your friend and you should steer clear from them from now on.