We’ve all had it happen—that one friend gets a boyfriend and disappears off the face of the earth. I’m not proud to say I’ve been this person before (shoutout my middle school friend group for readopting me when we broke up). As we get older, we take our relationships more seriously, but we have to be sure to spend time with our friends too. Since my current relationship (which began my freshman year of college) is the first one I’ve been in where I go to the same school as the person I’m dating, I had to figure out a balance. Luckily, I’ve got it down to a science, so you can learn from all the things I did (or didn’t do).
DO: SCHEDULE YOUR TIME
I know it sounds stupid, I was really reluctant at first because when I wasn’t in a relationship at college, I just hung out with my friends when I saw them. I’m awful at reaching out to schedule plans myself; I always let others reach out to me. But when my boyfriend is asking me to hang out and my friends aren’t, I end up spending all my time with my boyfriend. I love him very much, but it wasn’t healthy for us to be together 24/7. We weren’t seeing our friends much, and being around each other every free second of our day meant that we could usually find something to argue over.
When I realized how much time I was spending with my boyfriend, I decided to start scheduling my hangouts. And I don’t mean not only hanging out spontaneously, I mean I literally worked my time with my boyfriend into my daily schedule. I hang out with him for lunch Monday-Thursday and then as soon as my classes are done, I usually head back to my apartment so I can be with my roommate and get my laundry and homework done over there. Scheduling my time with my boyfriend has given me more time to hang out in my sorority house or with my friends because I can expect that my boyfriend won’t reach out randomly to make plans.
DON’T: BE SCARED TO MIX GROUPS
One of the reasons I struggled so much with scheduling my time was that I never wanted my friends to feel like my boyfriend was infiltrating our plans. Even if they offered for him to come along, I would brush it off and say it was a “girl thing”.
Since I’ve started introducing my boyfriend to more of my friends, he’s become good friends with some of them and I’ve become good friends with some of his friends. We still have the things we don’t include each other on with our friends, but we’ve learned that we can hang out as a couple within a group to get the best of both worlds.
DO: STAY COMMITTED TO ORIGINAL PLANS
We’ve all had it happen—we have plans made and then a “better” offer comes along. Take it from me: DO NOT CANCEL. Unless it’s something extreme (you’re planning to go to your boyfriend’s room, but your friend has an extra concert ticket), you will hurt everyone’s feelings. Don’t cancel your plans.
Even just these three things have saved my relationship both with my boyfriend and my friends. It definitely helps that they both understand how important my time with each of them is, but I still struggled at first. Hopefully, with this guide, you won’t have to go through the struggles.