It’s the dead middle of November, the air is dry and cold, the leaves are all fallen, and the sun is disappearing day by day. This is typical for western New York, where I go to college, most months of the year. There’s nothing too magical about the winter here, as I’ve learned the previous year – the seasonal depression kicks in, finals stress me out, and the worst part? I get extremely homesick.
Being from New England, I’m used to the cold part of winter. But there is something so different about being isolated at school with snow that falls wet like rain and where winter is the same static weather from now till March. Back home during this time, I would usually be waiting for the soft snow, driving to Cumby’s with my friends to get dollar slushies, sitting by the fireplace, and driving through endless trees covered in ice that make them look like sculptures. It’s not very exciting, yet it’s hard to put into words that nostalgic feeling I get the minute November rolls around.
Because despite it being a dreary time of year in any part of the northeast, I still find myself missing that gray period which I used to dread so much when I was a kid. It left me thinking, What do you even call that feeling? Why would I want to go back to some of the longest, most depressing months of my life when I am perfectly fine here at school?
For all my fellow New England girlies, I know how you feel. And recently I’ve been able to combat this weird homesickness with a rising artist named Noah Kahan, a Vermont native who makes beautiful folk-rock-pop songs about the turmoil of being from a place that never seems to change, yet you always find yourself going back to.
To guide you through this tough season, here are my top five Noah Kahan songs that will heal your heart until that day you get to go home again:
5. Homesick
“I’m mean because I grew up in New England”
– Noah Kahan, Homesick (2022)
I mean, how could I not start with this one? This was one of the first songs I heard from him, and though it’s a very popular one, it sticks for a reason. It’s one of his more climactic songs about longing for something in a never-ending cycle, which perfectly encapsulates the feeling I get during that transition into winter, even year-round when I’m away at college. You can move far away, experience so many new things, yet the walls you grew up in never truly leave you. This goes for many people, in all sorts of places people call home, but it especially hits when I grew up in a place that brings so much nostalgia and magic even in the middle of the woods. In the song, he has a love-hate relationship with his hometown – he resents it in a way for never changing to the point where he knows everything like the back of his hand, but he loves everything that could have been, which is why he always goes back. And I relate to that heavily – my mom told me to leave where I grew up for college, to experience something new, but I always find myself wondering what it would be like if I stayed there, and longing to go back just to go back to the same routine I kept for 17 years of my life. I’m someone who holds onto the past dearly and hates change, and growing up in New England was perfect for that. But now, it’s time for me to move onto adulthood, keeping home always in my heart.
4. Glue Myself Shut
“And if I glue myself shut, you would find your way in”
– Noah Kahan, Glue Myself Shut (2020)
As someone who holds my friends extremely close, this one hits – especially if you’ve gone through something that isolated you from everyone. Like I said before, I guess a lot of my homesickness comes from nostalgia, which is why I think this song makes me want to go back to the people who know me so well and have my entire life. It’s a 2020 song about having a supportive network that never left your side during hard times, even if you didn’t always express your gratitude towards them. True friends love you for who you are, and will always surround you with a safety net that never makes you feel unwelcome or uncomfortable. And that’s how I feel about my friends back home. I will always try to hold them close the best I can because they’ve supported me through so many excruciating events in my life, and I want to make sure they always know how strongly I thank them. And at the same time, I’ve met incredible people at college who have changed my life, so I hope that in the coming years, even when I ‘glue myself shut,’ I can keep them close to me and support them in the exact same way.
3. Growing sideways
“If my engine works perfect on empty, I guess I’ll drive”
– Noah Kahan, Growing Sideways (2022)
Another sad one (I apologize in advance) that’s about moving forward when you feel like you’re stuck. Because you’re never truly stuck somewhere – not emotionally, at least. I had so many situations thrown at me in the last few years particularly, and they’ve all brought emotions that are difficult to navigate. I tried to leave it all in the past, but they still stay in the back of my mind even in college and make it hard for me to move on. While everyone seems to be ‘growing and healthy,’ growing sideways is a feeling that holds so much pain and uncertainty. Like Noah Kahan brought up in the song, it leaves you stuck between a rock and a hard place where you may have to keep moving forward without being able to reflect, therefore not ever being able to truly know and love yourself. Feeling so many emotions at once is very draining, and I just want to move on instead of dealing with it most of the time, which does more harm than good. A lot of my problems stemmed from things back home, so now that I’m in a new place, I suppose it’s the perfect time to give an effort to know myself – but if not, pushing forward on my empty, burned out engine is fine, too.
2. New Perspective
“Ooh, this town is for the record now, the intersection got a Target and they’re calling it downtown”
– Noah Kahan, New Perspective (2022)
Taking this to a lighter note, what’s more New England middle-of-nowhere than a Target run with your friends because there truly is nothing else to do? It’s little things like that I miss about home. When we first got our drivers licenses, it was a common activity every weekend to drive a town away to go to a place like Target with no particular goal in mind other than walking and talking, creating memories with friends in the strangest of places. Nothing about my life now though seems simple like it did then. Again, there are so many things I have experienced here that blow my previous life out of the water, and I like that I’m finally coming out of my shell. But every time I go back home, even for just a weekend, I miss those days where I could just pick up my friends with no stress in mind – just the freedom of spending every waking moment with the people you love. I knew change would come as soon as I left, and I was (and still am) afraid of it. I miss that repetitive life to a point where nobody understands, because why can’t I just grow up? Especially when I first left for college, I didn’t want anyone to change. I was one of the ones leaving for school, yet I wanted my loved ones to stay still and not move on just yet. As college progresses, everyone gets busier, and like Noah Kahan said, he just wants to drag everyone back down. It’s a kind of bittersweet admission, but it’s the only thing I can still hold onto as I navigate the next stage of my life. I’ll always miss that “downtown,” which was literally just a Target…
1. Northern Attitude
“If the sun don’t rise ’til the summertime, forgive my northern attitude, oh, I was raised on little light”
– Noah Kahan, Northern Attitude (2022)
Coming in at number one is a strong acoustic anthem about those of us raised out ‘in the cold.’ My happiness is often associated with the summer season when I know I can come back home and see the people I love. It’s a common saying that New England dwellers are kind but not nice. In Noah Kahan’s perspective, it’s an ode to the walls of solitude built as we grow up, and how we should open them to new people. Everyone has their own walls from growing up in different circumstances, and in my case, my fear of change and growing up is my own personal wall. It all came down to where I grew up, and now being hit with so many opportunities that I might just have to break down those walls to grasp them.
Noah Kahan has such an incredible discography that I would recommend it to anyone, whether you’re from New England or not. Listening to these songs for the past few months has been a source of comfort for me, and I hope that it can help create a sense of home for everyone longing for those simple things that college tends to take away sometimes. And the best part? It’s all going to come full circle in the end when I see Noah Kahan play Fenway Park in Boston next summer (Yes, I fought that Ticketmaster battle), after combatting yet another year of homesickness and confusion.
To all of the college students out there wishing they could go back to their own ‘downtown,’ having no responsibilities other than driving endlessly through the woods, I wish you all the best this stick season, and I hope you can also find some peace with Noah Kahan.