With everyone’s favorite season rolling in, there are nothing but good things in my mind this fall. Apple picking, hiking, leaves changing, Halloween, sweater weather – these simple things always bring out the inner child that’s been defrosting all year.
But for a college student who is always trying to find joy in the little things, there’s one thing blocking the fun part of that halfway mark in the semester.
Midterms.
It’s a weird part of college that’s brought up as a common struggle among college students, but never discussed deeply. And as someone who is definitely not a test-taker, I was never able to find a way to combat the empty feeling I would get every time this season rolls around.
What is Imposter Syndrome?
Like I said before, there’s a lot about fall to look forward to; but there’s a (not so) funny thing called imposter syndrome and it is constantly on my shoulders. Especially as a biotechnology major.
Imposter syndrome, in short, is self-doubt and is undeniably hiding in every college student, no matter the major. But while midterms have everyone cramming for exams, pulling all-nighters, and going to nonstop study sessions, this part of my college experience has proven to be self-deprecating and emotional.
The Impact and Toll it Took on Me
I spent my entire life being viewed as smart and continued my love for science throughout high school. Overthinking my way through tests became an issue for me starting towards the end of high school, but I managed because of the passion for biology I had lying underneath.
However, nothing could have prepared me for the college experience of constantly comparing yourself and your achievements to everyone else. I felt like I accomplished a lot, but testing became something I could never get past in college due to stress.
I looked at others in my major doing incredible things like beginning undergraduate research, understanding topics a lot quicker than I, and stacking up job interviews and internships. It left me thinking – Am I truly a scientist?
Combating It
After freshman year’s fiasco of excelling in projects and hands-on activities but falling far behind in exams compared to my peers, it led me to an ongoing reflection of why I am here in the first place.
So, here are some of my tips that I wish I had my freshman year and even beyond, because nobody deserves to feel like they don’t belong in their field of study. Because losing your passion feels like losing an entire part of yourself.
Grades are always important, and there are always going to be midterms that truly humble you, but it doesn’t make you less important than anybody else in your field of study. The day that I finally understood this is where I found my balance.
Instead of dwelling on my performance and overworking myself into depression, I use those losses to improve. I remember that despite the number at the top of the paper, I still want to pursue science and ultimately help people like my father, who has a genetic disorder.
The Focus on You
So, what’s my advice to you during this grueling midterms season? For starters, enjoy those little things to keep your mood up.
Go pick some apples and bake a pie, carve something funny on a pumpkin, frolic in the colorful leaves – being kind to yourself will only help with the fight against imposter syndrome.
But the most important thing? Reassert your knowledge; let go of that inner perfectionist, and in the midst of the nonstop studying, remind yourself why you’re here. Use what you’ve learned and make a small, personal project for yourself.
Taking that time to do it, and enjoying it, will undoubtedly make you feel better about what you know without the pressures of exams or classmates. My personal project is research about the disease my father suffers from.
In my free time, I read about the new treatments emerging in my field to help people like him and I connect it with labs and the things I learn about in my major. And it can be done with anyone, any major. Just take a little time out of your week to reassure yourself why you are doing what you do beneath all the stress.
Because if there’s one thing I learned, overloading yourself only leads to self-sabotage. It is entirely possible to curb that before it happens, as long as you take time for you, and not anyone else.
To all my fellow college students, biology majors, perfectionists, and hard-workers – good luck on exam season and do not let anything extinguish your passion.