Being an 18 year-old, masculine, lesbian, virgin. Story of my life–literally.
This might seem as an odd topic to talk about, but I know if I had seen this article a few years ago it would have been something refreshing and affirming; and if you can not relate, hopefully it’ll just provide some insight.
First off, I am very sex-positive. Sex is becoming more and more normalized, especially with people claiming their sexuality and killing it. Nothing is more sexy than taking control of your body, what you like, who you like, etc. Masturbation, LGBTQ+ sex, and dominate women are all becoming more mainstreamed and supported within society, and it is amazing. Get it guys.
However, I’ve always had quite a strange relationship with sex, even with masturbation. I’m a virgin to both. There’s no real specific reason as to why. I simply haven’t found a reason to yet, and haven’t found someone I’m comfortable enough with yet. I thought virginity was normal for someone of my age, which I’ve found to be partially true. Many of my friends are still virgins as well, whereas others enjoy sex on a daily basis.
Where I’ve found it to be more uncommon, at least stereotypically, is within the LGBT community. Specifically, in my sector as a masucline lebsian.
I can not count the several times I’ve had other women within the LGBT community reach out to me on snapchat or instagram speaking with the hopes of a sexual relation. From more subtle messages to a girl full on hoping I was “a top with a daddy kink.”
What an awkward conversation that was.
Another instance: I was in my dorm hall last week talking to a guy I had just met. He then asked me how lesbian sex works. Gross and uncomfortable–yes. Aside from the creepy, this was an interesting question as it was assumed I have had sex. If you look at any social media, especially TikTok, many, many, many, masculine girls portray themselves as overly sexual and dominante.
Side note: Totally cool if you are! Own that.
One other example: my own girlfriend was shocked when she found out I was a virgin. Not in a bad way, just surprised.
It has become evidently clear that my sexuality is something being assumed as for all masculine lesbians, and it’s simply not always true. It’s a toxic stereotype that I’m sure exists outside my specific experience. Sexuality isn’t something that is the same for an entire group of people. Not all masculine women have a high sex drive. And the same goes for literally any group of people.
Sexuality isn’t as easy as being put in a box. It’s your own experience, journey, learning, and preference. It’s an individual thing that is pretty cool if you ask me.
Also, I’m more than happy with where I am in my sexual experience and life. I’m not asexual or have a low-sex drive, it’s simply where I’ve found myself thus far. Don’t be afraid to be as sexually active or inactive as you want! Wherever you’ve found yourself: Own it.