Dear Danielle: I’ve had my eye on a guy that I like for a while now but he hasn’t approached me yet. I’ve been doing all the things girls do when they want to get a guy to like her–holding his gaze from across the room and then coyly looking away, making small talk with him and his friends. I’m tired of just wonderig what if and considering just walking straight up to him and asking him out myself. But since I’m really not sure, let me ask you: what would you do if you were me?
Dear Confused and Waiting: In relationships, women tend to always wonder if the guy that they are with is into them. Even after the courtship, in the relationship, and sometimes even in marriage. We always wonder, “Does he want to be with me?”, “Does he love me?”, “Does he love me like he says he does?”. The only reason why most of us do so much wondering is because we initiated the relationship. Bottom line is this: If a man is into you, he will approach you, he’s going to call you. If you leave the initiating up to him then there will never be a guessing game. You’ll just always know.
However, there should always be a guessing game with you. Men love the chase, they love to pursue, they live for it. They love sport, the competition, the challenge. So give it to them, challenge them. If you put everything out in the beginning–telling them how much you like them, approaching them, initiating all the phone calls, planning the dates–it takes the thrill away from the chase. It also allows the guy to take on the passive role in the relationship. Remember, the way a relationship begins sets the tone for the entire relationship.
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