Trigger warning : This article will talk about sexual assault, depression and suicide.
If you have been on any social media site recently, you have probably seen people praising, criticizing or tagging their friends in “13 Reasons Why “ memes. The show, which is based on the novel by Jay Asher, has already become the most popular series on Netflix, according to Business Insider.
“13 Reasons Why ” tells the story of Hannah Baker, a high school student who lost her life to suicide after having to deal with bullying, family financial issues, rape and depression. Hannah leaves behind 13 tapes in which she singles out the people in her life who have failed her and contributed to her decision to commit suicide. From her ex-best friends to old hookups to even her school counselor, every person mentioned in the tapes missed the warning signs that Hannah was dealing with depression and needed help more than anything.
This is also what the directors and the writers of the show missed. Hannah needed help more than anything.
At various points throughout the series, the characters mention how if they would have been there for Hannah or had been a better friend, maybe she would be alive. The show emphasizes the fact that Hannah needed better friends or a more supportive family so much that it fails to show how seeking professional help could have been the one thing that kept Hannah alive.
Let’s be clear. Having good friends or supportive family members can be helpful for someone who is going through a difficult time. But having people there for you doesn’t necessarily cure mental illness, and struggling with untreated depression and trauma is what ultimately killed Hannah, not just the fact that she didn’t have many friends.
What “13 Reasons Why” fails to tell you is that the love from a friend, significant other or family member can’t always be what saves someone who is dealing with mental illness. Although having more friends may have helped Hannah, would this have stopped the constant bullying? The trauma that came with her witnessing someone who she cared about being sexually assaulted, and then her being raped by the same person later on? The pressure that she had to deal with every day because her family was having financial issues? Her having to pretend that everything was fine every day in school when she really felt broken on the inside?
Mental illness does not discriminate based on how many friends someone has or what their family life is like. Having a boyfriend or fitting into a high school clique won’t necessarily magically treat depression or major trauma. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than 3 million people ages 12 to 17 in the U.S. had at least one major depressive episode in 2015. The Center for Disease Control reported in this same year that suicide was the third leading cause of death for people ages 10 to 24 in the U.S. Would having more friends alone have saved the 42,773 people in the U.S. who lost their life to suicide in 2014, according to the CDC?
I think it’s time we change the narrative when we talk about depression, trauma, sexual assault and suicide. We need to stop pretending that just talking to friends or family members about how one feels can cure every person who is battling a mental illness. It’s time that we remove the stigma around seeking professional help. It’s also the time that we learn where these professional resources are so that we can inform others around us about them when they need them.
By no means am I bashing “13 Reasons Why” or telling anyone that they shouldn’t watch the series. I’ll admit that I binge-watched all 13 episodes. However, I think it’s unfair that the producers of the show created this false narrative that having friends or family is what stops someone from committing suicide. It’s a dangerous narrative to push.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness and is looking to get more information on how to get connected to resources for help, visit https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help/index.shtml for more information.