The partner roles of marriage at the beginning of United States history do not look anything like they do in the present day. From the colonial period to the 1970s, marriage confined women to the roles of motherhood and domesticity, and men to those of distant fatherhood and financial provision. In the present day, however, men and women do not feel as confined to traditional gender roles, exercising much more freedom in selecting their roles in a marriage. The 2015 Supreme Court ruling in favor of same-sex marriage further granted couples the ability to define the dynamic of their personal married partnerships. One crucial factor in propelling change into this freer direction was feminism. With each of the three waves of feminism, marital roles were redefined to become less constraining, with women recognizing that gender and societal norms served to limit their potential in life and in a marriage.
To better understand where marriage has come, we must have an understanding of where it began. Marriage in the early eighteenth and nineteenth centuries reflected a desire to find one’s best companion. The colonists at this time decided that marrying for monetary and/or social advantage was not characteristic of the values of freedom and honesty central to the new republic. Therefore, they decided to instead marry for affection. Couples also often deferred marriage until their early twenties. However, colonists did continue to enforce marital gender roles. Men were in charge of the political sphere, whereas women, as the “more virtuous gender,” were tasked with inspiring their husbands and children to behave morally. Even though women’s roles undoubtedly influenced a marriage and a family, gender norms nonetheless restricted women to the place of motherhood.
During first-wave of feminism, women began to question gender roles, including roles involved in marriage. The first wave started with Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia Mott spurring the fight for women’s suffrage and the abolition of slavery. Women began to act “un-ladylike,” as they were speaking out against societal problems of slavery and gender inequality in politics. This involvement in the political sphere challenged the “cult of domesticity”. Men began to regard women as morally superior, suspecting their enfranchisement could potentially better the civic sphere and improve moral behavior. Women did achieve the right to vote with the passage of the nineteenth amendment, which gave women a greater chance to participate in determining the direction of the country, rather than just sitting at home. However, the justification of men (and some women) for this amendment reinforced the stereotype that women were inherently more virtuous, and therefore better suited to raise the next generation. This trend of thinking put more pressure on married women to procreate and stay at home with their children. The feminist movement at this time only applied to white middle and upper class women, not women of color. Generally, women of color focused their efforts on the abolitionist movement, although there were certainly some who spoke out against gender norms.
Second-wave feminism, occurring in the 1960s and 1970s, continued this trend of questioning gender roles, while also casting doubt on many of society’s ideas concerning how women should look and act. This wave focused on the objectification of women and the socialization of gender, even protesting the Miss America Pageant that began in 1968. Women increasingly rejected the societal perception of them as little more than beautiful objects, only fit for low-paying jobs such as secretarial or housewife work. In doing so, they began to reject all objects that were made for the beautification and limitation of women, like bras, makeup, high heels, etc. Women started to repudiate traditionally feminine marital roles, as they did not see the benefit of being the quintessential wife that society had socialized men to want and women to aspire to.
In the 1960s and 1970s, women wanted more independence in choosing how to express their femininity and desires, especially pushing for equality in law. At this time, wives had no legal right over their husbands’ property, even though husbands could control the earnings and property of their wives. There were also no laws in place to outlaw spousal rape, as society had socialized men to believe women were obligated to please their husbands at all times. Women, including women of color, felt they deserved to right to redefine their roles in marriage. No longer did women accept the marital roles designed to keep them inferior. Women also felt more able to be mothers with careers and to exercise control over their belongings and life choices. Aided by the birth control pill, women began to wield much more power in decisions related to sex and the creation of families. They shaped legislation to secure protections against violence and discrimination, spurring laws defining sexual harassment as a violation of women’s rights and spousal abuse as a crime. With these changes, wives felt safer reporting the abuses they suffered at the hands of their husbands, enabling women to more genuinely live on their own terms.
The third wave of feminism in the mid-90s focused on racism and sexuality. This movement expanded on the goals and achievements of the second wave of feminism, aiming to explicitly express intersectionality and give people of all races and sexualities a platform to question social norms. With these intersectional ideals, women and men in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community felt more comfortable to voice their concerns, at last securing a place in the feminist movement. This movement helped initiate the conversation of marriage equality, as women began to challenge heteronormativity and other social norms surrounding sexuality, leading them to fully embrace the diversity of women.
Thanks to the three waves of feminism, women and men alike feel less constrained and freer to choose how they want to interact in their marriages. Women do not feel compelled to be mothers or housewives, or feel the need to suppress their intelligence or thoughts in order to satisfy their spouses. We have even witnessed an emergence of “househusbands”—men who stay home to raise the children and take care of the house—a phenomenon which would likely seem odd or unnatural to people born in the 1950s. Homosexual men and women now have the freedom to marry whomever they choose and do not feel as constricted by heteronormativity as in previous generations. Men and women can create whatever arrangement they want in a marriage, especially since marital roles are now considered less gender-specific, with many of the old notions of traditional gender roles being disregarded.
Before feminism, gender norms played a larger role in assigning men and women specific roles in a marriage. However, as a result of the three waves of feminism, women and men now feel more and more able to rebel against gender roles, instead fulfilling duties as they see fit. What used to be considered “masculine” (like providing financially) or “feminine” (like cleaning the house and taking care of the children) no long carries much weight. Feminism shed light on the extent to which society can control how we think about marriage and the roles within a marriage. Feminism also continually gives people a way to voice their opinions and make changes benefiting the equality of the sexes, granting people the freedom to do what they themselves believe to be right.
Image Source: Emily Pidgeon/TED